Hope Part 2: Reflections one week later

Allowing myself to be unique, original, authentic, and imperfect. Allowing myself to be me.

With this blog I have tried so hard to be happy. There has been a valiant attempt to focus on embracing the good that has come from the break up of my marriage. I share lists of blessings I feel grateful to have in my life as a result of this upcoming divorce. I try to make you laugh with my humor. Recently I shared my fears, but also how I overcame it and am fine now. I have shown you anger, but it was just a fleeting moment in this blog.

What I had not done until last Friday was to get naked for you. I was still holding on to that perfection I had mastered in my marriage. Everything is fine because if I stop and think otherwise, all the balls in the air will come crashing down around me. I had to keep everything moving forward. There was no time for reflection to assess my heart, my feelings, my happiness, or even my health. Just keep moving forward. That was the mantra in my marriage.

The new mantra, which is the basis for this blog, is to be a “naked girl in a dress.”

Free

Happy

Unihibited

But that does not mean to be perpetually happy. Denying the feeling of pain, which I did in my marriage, will not lead to being that naked girl. It is about allowing myself to feel, to be gentle with myself, and to find peace. It is about being present in the moment.

I failed. At least until last Friday. Last week I let you see me stripped down and in a puddle of tears. I bared my soul and allowed you to witness my pain.  I was feeling hopeless.

One week later I do feel better and I feel hopeful. The difference is that I am ready to feel hopeless again. I am prepared to accept whatever emotion comes my way and just embrace it.

Last Friday and over the weekend I also discovered something wonderful about blogging: the support of readers. There has been an outpouring of support on my blog, Twitter, and Facebook. Friends who follow my blog emailed, called, and sent text messages. There will be times I feel hopeless about the divorce or something else in life, but I know I never stand alone.

One reader, Lucille in the Sky, wrote:

“What a sweet video. I assure you that true love does exist, and you will find it. As long as you don’t give up hope. It’s hard to make it though the sad days. You just want to crawl back into bed, and usually life has other plans. You wish you could hit the fast forward button, and you can’t. All you can do is accept your feelings, feel your feelings, and wait for better times. Good luck. Great blog.”

My dear friend Clyde sent me a note this week:

“…my support is not just for your blog, it is for your life. I am rooting for you as you step forward and fall back. The way you have opened yourself up is an inspiration. I totally get it–that it’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s what makes a difference…”

Thank you to everyone who reached out to me. Thank you for your support.

Next week I will be blogging Monday through Friday. It is a special five-part series. I hope you will visit me. I can’t promise you I will be happy and filled with sunshine.

What I can promise you is that I will be naked.

I will be me.

The Song of the Week — Glitter in the Air really resonates for me this week. This line in particular:

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