Separation is like treading water; I am exhausted from the effort involved in keeping my head above water, yet I make no progress in moving in any one direction. So many things are uncertain: housing, assets, health coverage, college tuition, visitation schedule, retirement, and more.
Even when it comes to relationships, I am in a constant motion of treading water without progress. My soon-to-be-ex and I had an understanding within weeks of separating that we had no intention to reconcile and were free to each date and move on with our lives. A document was even drawn up to make it clear. Nonetheless, we are married and there are restrictions as a result.
How can I really move forward (or even make big decisions) when every aspect of my life is uncertain?
The answer is simple: I can’t.
Now that I am almost at the end of this process, my body has grown tired of the repetitive motion of treading water. My muscles are ready to start working together to swim a stroke. Swimming away from the deep end to a shallow area where I can stand is so close to being possible.
As fatigued as my muscles have become, the time in this phase of my life has been necessary. It gave me time to grieve, reflect, discover, and heal. I am now ready to swim to the shallow end and I find that I have the much-needed clarity in my life as I wait to begin a stroke.
There is comfort in knowing I will soon be standing in shallow water, resting my weary muscles.