I am being obsessive and maybe a little crazy.
There is this uncontrollable urge in me to clean and purge. I started to worry, but then I found a great article in Parenting Weekly to assuage my fears. I discovered this obsession is completely natural. Here’s a quote explaining what is happening to me right now:
“Females of the animal kingdom are all equipped with this same need. It is a primal instinct. Just as you see birds making their nests, mothers-to-be do exactly the same thing. The act of nesting puts you in control and gives a sense of accomplishment toward birth.”
Except I am not pregnant.
So maybe I am crazy.
Actually, I don’t think I am crazy. I just think this is the natural process for someone approaching the end of a marriage. The divorce is almost final and I have this need to get everything in order before we finalize. It might seem odd, but if you have been divorced, you are probably shaking your head with a knowing smile on your face.
Yes, it is time to clean house. I will be treading water for awhile longer, but I find there is so much to do while I wait for the end of this long, emotionally-painful process. Yesterday involved a trip to Salvation Army with furniture and 6 large trash bags full of items to donate. Last week I organized the safe (yeah, that is on the top of everyone’s list of things to do, right?). The file cabinet has been reorganized, files re-labeled, and papers purged. Tons of books are being donated to the library this week. And, I am happy to report the large garbage bin is full each day we have trash pick-up.
An article in Associated Content stated:
“It is a primal instinct but many pregnant women may look a little crazy when they get swept up in the syndrome.”
Notice the quote states “look” a little crazy. It does not state these women are, in fact, crazy. Since I believe this is quite normal, I am embracing it. And laughing about it. And, loving lists as I do, I made one as a quick reference for others who might think they are crazy, but are simply getting a divorce.
Ten Signs your Divorce is Almost Final:
- You have a panic attack when your label maker runs out of tape.
- Salvation Army workers know you by name.
- Staples has replaced Target as your favorite store.
- Soon-to-be-Ex is getting weekly deliveries of things he/she didn’t want, but were left in the marital home.
- Kids start hiding things for fear mommy will throw it out.
- Monthly expense on cleaning supplies increases significantly.
- Children won’t make eye contact for fear they will be asked to help organize.
- Child states while handing you something, “Mommy, I am not sure where this goes anymore.”
- Ebay replaces Facebook as your favorite site.
- You are too busy cleaning to cry.
There was a moment I felt I would refute my own notion that my behavior is normal and a form of nesting. For a moment I felt that it does not make sense for this to be nesting because divorce is a death, not a birth. It is the end of a marriage and a family unified and under one roof. This thought was fleeting as I recognized what it truly means to me.
It is a birth.
It is a life filled with new possibilities.
I am starting anew.