When is the Right Time to Tell the Guy you are Seeing About your Blog?

February 8, 2011

in Relationships

Question: When does receiving a Facebook friend request send you into a panic?

Answer: When the guy who sent the request has been on one date with you and doesn’t know about your blog (and you post blog links on Facebook).

There are many sites, including Singlemommyhood, with information to help single parents make the best decision possible surrounding introducing a love interest to children and how to date post-divorce. But there is no information to help with the decision of when to tell someone you are seeing about your blog.

With the first several guys I dated after the break up in the fall, this was an issue. I am proud of my writing and certainly don’t hide my identity on this site. However, going on a first date with someone who has read this content can be unnerving; it is the equivalent of mailing excerpts from your diary before your first date. Who would do that?

The first few guys I went on dates with, it was something I felt uncomfortable about, but I quickly realized that my blog was actually helping me screen dates.

Examples of Sharing a Blog with Someone You Date

  • One guy devoured my blog and became an expert on me. And wanted to share thoughts. All the time.
  • Another date called me out on ordering a Diet Coke at lunch. He made too big of a deal about it.
  • The guys feel closer to me because they understand me on some deeper level.

What I have discovered is that this blog is the equivalent of a guy with a baby or puppy; Naked Girl in a Dress is a guy magnet. That would be great if I liked this type of attention for my blog, but I don’t. I find it annoying and a bit creepy.

So, I changed my dating strategy and avoided, as best I could, giving out my last name. This was working well until one guy sent an ominous text one evening:

Are you uncomfortable telling me your last name?

My response: Yes, actually.

I told him that evening about my blog. I explained I have nothing salacious on it, but it is an unfair advantage for him to read it at such an early stage of dating. This guy told me he was happy getting to know me the traditional way and that when I felt comfortable, he would look forward to reading.

Bonus points for the guy.

When I finally decided to share my blog with him, I sent him a link and waited nervously for a response.

“…you are an amazing woman” is the text I received.

Bonus points again.

That night when we spoke, I was waiting for him to turn into what some other guys had become: a creepy fan of my site. With that, all feelings for him would evaporate and I would move on as a result.

As I braced myself for the conversation, I was shocked to realize he had only read two posts. The guy explained to me that it was like peeling layers away and getting to know me on a much more intimate level. He wanted to take his time and read slowly.  Just as he would be getting to know me through our interactions, he wanted the same opportunity with my writing.

Yes, more bonus points.

What I have learned over the last several months is that more than anything, my blog is  not something to hide, but rather, to watch how a man reacts to it. I did not go out on more than two dates with any of the guys overly-excited about my blog. As for the guy who read slowly, I am still seeing him. And it is going really well.

If you have a blog, do you have any personal experiences to share?

When has been the right time for you?

{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

Justin February 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

I am going to say never. I would not want some woman reading my blog as she may think I am a deranged lunatic.
Justin recently posted..Best SuperbowlsMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 12:18 pm

You are too funny Justin! I guess it depends upon the content. Some are meant to be anonymous.

Thanks for sharing!

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.end transmission. February 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

I think you should give them your web address instead of your phone number first. THEN they can decide if they want to hang out with you, and from reading through your blog, they will be ardent supporters. They will be all, “wow, you’re totally amazing and stuff.”
Then you can meet in person and shatter his dreams. :-P j/k

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 1:40 pm

Thank you for the wonderful compliment…until we got to the end of the comment! You are funny. Seriously, thank you. It is a good idea to give out my URL first.

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Amber February 8, 2011 at 3:13 pm

Love this post, added your blog to our roll
Amber recently posted..Working towards sexy not donut buttMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 6:06 pm

Amber~
Thank you for adding me to your blog roll!

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BrerMatt February 8, 2011 at 6:41 pm

This hasn’t ever come up for me, though I think it’s the same as my family watching videos of my on YouTube or reading blog posts. It’s a little unnerving, but in the end, I just don’t care. I don’t blog for them. It’s all public, and if I was worried about who might read it, I wouldn’t post it.

So when it comes to dating, I think it’s like you say – it will help screen people. I’m mostly shy, so the blog gives someone an additional way to know me that they wouldn’t easily have insight into on normal dates. And that’s WHY I have YouTube videos – it was a stretching exercise to push myself outside myself. I hate public speaking, so having videos that thousands of people have watched is empowering.

I’m glad you’ve found a guy who appreciates you for you and not just for your blog.

Best wishes!
BrerMatt recently posted..My unique coffee table!My Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 7:02 pm

BrerMatt,

Thanks for commenting and visiting again! I will always appreciate you introducing me to the Vlog Brothers.

I am happy to have found him as well. It was a happy coincidence for us to meet and we are enjoying the beginning of a great relationship.

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Simon Wallett February 8, 2011 at 6:59 pm

My wife knows about my blog, as you would expect, she started to read it but then said she didn’t get why anyone would want to read what I had to say…Gee Thanks! I don’t think she bothers anymore.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 7:06 pm

Simon,

What’s most important is that you enjoy it!

By the way, so glad you joined Studio30 Plus!

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Momma Sunshine February 8, 2011 at 8:02 pm

Blogging has always been a strange thing for me, since I date another blogger, and it was basically through our blogs that we met. It’s been an interesting experience, and was particularly difficult when he and I broke up for a few months early on in our relationship. It’s a lot more difficult being open and honest in what I write, knowing that not only is he reading it, but he is sometimes writing about the same thing as well.
Momma Sunshine recently posted..Appreciating LifeMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 8:11 pm

I follow both of your blogs, but had no idea you met through blogging. That makes your story even more special to me!

It must be hard knowing you are each writing on a particular topic. There are times I read a post one of you wrote and I do find myself heading to the other blog to see if the other wrote about it. It is interesting for the reader. Or, at least it is to me.

I am rooting for you guys. I know the distance is tough at times.

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Momma Sunshine February 8, 2011 at 8:19 pm

We both had different blogs back then…but I discovered his blog through a mutual (real life) friend of ours….I started reading his blog even before my marriage had ended…I used to read it and wish he’d find a nice woman to fall in love with.

heh.

It wasn’t until I was separated from my husband that CBG and I met and started down the relationship road. It’s been an interesting ride, for sure.
Momma Sunshine recently posted..Appreciating LifeMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 8, 2011 at 8:44 pm

Thanks for sharing that! What a sweet story.

Single Mom Seeking February 9, 2011 at 12:21 am

Boy, do I relate to this post! Like you, I realized that telling any guy I was dating, “I have a blog” usually backfired on me. I wanted to be an open book, but as you pointed out, when a guy reads your blog before knowing you, he often thinks he knows everything about you.

When I met my now-husband, I decided NOT to tell him my last name. It was a self-test for me, too, to go slowly. He thought it was odd that I wouldn’t share my last name, too… but he soon asked around and found out (which led him to my blog within a week).
Single Mom Seeking recently posted..Are you afraid of getting married againMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 9, 2011 at 4:25 am

Thanks for visiting and sharing your story. Having a blog does make dating a bit more complicated!

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Sandy February 9, 2011 at 9:52 am

No! Never! I am a widow and write about that on my blog. I do not want someone I am dating thinking I have psychological issues about being a widow.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 10, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Sandy,
I understand completely. Everyone has to determine their own comfort level with their writing. Others have tweeted this post with the response: Never. You are not alone.

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Starthrower February 9, 2011 at 10:10 am

I recently found Mama Sunshine through Single Mom Seeking and then you and I had to laugh when you posted this yesterday because over the weekend I told my bf that I had started a blog to address our situation for others to read, comment exchange insights, etc. We’ve been dating for over a year now and I just decided I needed to seek out other moms and single parents that are dating. I’ve never dated a father or a divorced man before and it’s all new to me. How his kids react, how my kids react, how we react with each other about the kids and the ex. Oh goodness! He wants to read it and suddenly panic struck. Hmm…how do we write about our situations so others can feel so not alone and gain insight without divulging too much or not respecting boundaries and privacy? I know it has helped me immensely reading the blogs I’ve found. So all day yesterday I was dwelling on how to deal with this. And see how blogs help! I found yours addressing this very topic. The universe provides!! Well, my blog is under construction as of yet and I am still pondering how to do it right for all. If you know of other blogs I might like regarding the “world’s colliding” aspect of two single parents please let me know. Thanks for the inspiration with your great blog. You too Mama Sunshine.

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Starthrower February 9, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Oops! Sorry. That would be Momma Sunshine.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 10, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Congratulations on starting your blog! Working out the privacy issues is difficult and something you will have to gauge based upon your own comfort level. When I started the blog I did not have my last name or photo on the blog. However, I posted each piece on my Facebook wall. So, the blog was not a secret from my friends. Over time I realized I had to “get naked” for the readers and was building up a following and that is when I became more comfortable with sharing more of me.

I will keep you in mind if I read of any blogs like Mama Sunshine and CBG. In the meantime, I recommend you join Studio30 Plus.

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Random Girl February 9, 2011 at 5:28 pm

I won’t say that I know who you are writing about but let’s say I have a fairly good idea and I that he gets a big “Win” from me on that one. I think that when it comes to “introducing” yourself in a new relationship, it is just like face to face conversations, the other person has to earn the right to learn who you are and that you decide when that right has been earned. It is a privilege to share in your life and not a right. In my case, my blog is more anonymous and it will stay that way simply because I want to always be as honest and candid as I can be and not feel like I have to filter myself to spare feelings or avoid embarrassing someone. That takes all the fun out of it. I would take a very special, open-minded, amazing man to get the inside on my like, and by that point, I am assuming we would already be on a fantastic honeymoon somewhere. If you have found someone that already has earned that right with you, you are lucky lucky girl and I am more than mildly jealous!!

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 10, 2011 at 6:32 pm

Random Girl,

He gets a big “win” from me too, as you can see from my post. He really is a special guy and I am enjoying getting to know him. I know you are enjoying watching the banter on Twitter too.

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Sleepless in Serrano February 9, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I’ve just recently started blogging the juicy details of my dating experiences. I have shared with a few guys I have dated that I blog, but it took awhile to get the huevos to actually give them the link to it. I’m relieved to say I’ve only gotten positive feedback. It is true that it’s like sharing your personal diary, especially with the sexcapades that I have in my blog, but in the end it’s only benefitted me.
By the way, love your blog – I’ve added you to my blog list. :)

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 10, 2011 at 6:33 pm

Thank you for visiting, commenting and adding me to your blog roll!

We do all have to go with our comfort level in what we share on the blog and with the person we are dating. Glad you have figured it out as well.

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pattypunker February 10, 2011 at 1:33 pm

it seems to be working as an excellent screening device, but you could always consider two facebook pages: a personal one and an artist page. that way you can share your personal one early on and save the blog one until you’re ready.

of course, i wish i could be completely anonymous so i could write whatever the hell i wanted about whomever i wanted, but then how does one explain all the time in front of the computer.
pattypunker recently posted..voices in my headMy Profile

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alfred lives here February 12, 2011 at 9:49 am

Interesting question, and sounds like you found a really good path to follow. As did the dude you are dating.

I have had something similar with coworkers who I have told about my blog, like a year later. It seems to put them off somehow, whether is too personal I don’t know. It is not that secretive, they all know I am gay, and I do not write about work. Maybe is just a
way they arent used to thinking about me? Or just having an outside life?

My closest friends read it intermittently, which is cool enough.

Smart post.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 12, 2011 at 10:46 am

Alfred,
I enjoy your blog so glad to hear you do share it with people.I think people don’t quite understand blogs or blogging still. Months after telling people about my blog, some finally came to me to ask what exactly a blog is and what I do on it.

Thanks for stopping by!

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Jules February 12, 2011 at 10:01 am

THAT is why I have a FB for Mean Girl and a FB for the “real me.” I’d freak. It sounds like this one worked out well though. WHEW!

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 12, 2011 at 10:42 am

Anonymity can be good with blogging. I agree!

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Leigh Ann February 12, 2011 at 2:14 pm

I sometimes wish my family and friends didn’t know about my blog. So much more I could write about. Must consider starting an anony-blog.

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Kat February 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm

I guess I’m semi-anon. My family and friends know about it, but I don’t use my name on my blog.

Sometimes I wish that I had gone full anon because, for example, I have a smut piece that is going to be posted on a friend’s blog and of course I’ll link over to it, but I’m not thrilled at the idea of some of my (immature guy) friends reading it. Ah well.
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Jeremy from We Took The Bait February 12, 2011 at 9:18 pm

I got lucky on that front.

Our blog wasn’t set up until we’d been married for a year and change.

So, Jess and I were already well acquainted with the other’s warped outlook on life.
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When Pigs Fly February 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm

I’m married so don’t have the same problem but I do find myself a little hesitant to tell new people about my blog. This has changed the more confident I’ve become with my writing. At first, I was a little concerned about telling my friends about my blog. I was worried what they would think. Now I embrace it. Glad you have found a nice guy who understands.

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Elizabeth Newlin February 17, 2011 at 12:07 pm

This is an interesting perspective for me. I am married and would LOVE it if my husband would regularly read my blog regularly. But that’s obviously a different situation.

I do occasionally find myself in similar predicaments but of the unromantic variety. I am a Realtor and I write a humor blog about my experiences as a Realtor/Mom. Occasionally I exchange emails with a new client and then when I finally meet them in person they say things like, ‘We’re a lot alike. I really like boxed wine too. Did you really have clients who worked in porn?’ which makes me feel a little awkward. But mostly I’m just happy they read and still want to use me. Then I know we’ll get along just fine.
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 18, 2011 at 9:29 am

Elizabeth,

I have to read your blog! It sounds really funny.

We do have a similar thought, but for different reasons. If a guy reads my blog and it scares him off, that is great to know. And, if he turns into a creepy stalker-like guy because he “understands me so well,” then I can move on because of that too. It has turned into a good test. For you, the clients will work great if they react well to your blog.

Thanks for visiting!

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Nicole Nicholson February 18, 2011 at 3:27 pm

I’ve been talking to this guy for the last little while and didn’t think anything of it when I mentioned that I was just finishing up a blog post.

We don’t know each other well yet so my initial response was, holy crap I don’t want him reading all of my thoughts and knowing all about my life relationships without me discussing all of these things with him myself.

It makes me feel naked and unguarded to let him into my head like that.

So, to be honest, I lied.
I didn’t tell him the name of it – just that it was password protected.
Which it isn’t.

So, I’m really not sure how I’ll explain that to him later on.. but I do feel really terrible about my.. small.. little.. lie. lol

I’m not worried about him reading it and my blog scaring him off – I’m worried about letting him into my head and it scaring ME off.
Nicole Nicholson recently posted..Settling Down As A Single Mama And Feeling Comfortable With ItMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 18, 2011 at 5:21 pm

It is something to think about, but I still maintain is a good screening process too. How they react reveals a lot. Not just the initial reaction, but also as you post and they continue to read.

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Nicole Nicholson February 19, 2011 at 4:23 pm

Since I read your post and all of the comments I’ve been considering it more and more lol

There are posts about things like sexting and another guy that I’d rather weren’t read but at the same time if he’d asked me questions about those things, not knowing I’ve written about them, I’d share in the same way that I write in my blog.

It isn’t so much about having something to hide, it’s just easier to write when I forget that people actually read it on occasion.

I’m really nervous about it but I think I might just put it out there and see what happens…
We’ll see. lol
Nicole Nicholson recently posted..Settling Down As A Single Mama And Feeling Comfortable With ItMy Profile

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Nicole Nicholson February 19, 2011 at 4:24 pm

Also, I inadvertently met him through blogging so it would be as easy as him asking his mother about my blog for him to find it.
For all I know – he already knows what it is.
Nicole Nicholson recently posted..Settling Down As A Single Mama And Feeling Comfortable With ItMy Profile

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Fragrant Liar February 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm

Yes, I have had this problem since I started my blog over two years ago. I prefer now to wait to tell them, having learned the hard way it’s weird to do it too soon. Like you, I felt like guys were reading my personal diary and had some advantage over me that I didn’t have with them. It felt unequal. And even though I am prone to occasional exaggeration, I feared men would take everything literally — they are a simple gender . . . So, now I withhold.

Unless one of my friends has already sold me out! That’s frequently the first thing they say while pimping me. “She writes this fabulous blog, and she’s so _____ and so _____ and you’ll love her and . . .” It’s dangerous to have your friends pimping you out. You never know what they’ll say! ;-)
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 28, 2011 at 1:48 pm

You are funny! Yes, friends pimping can be a dangerous thing.

What I have found is the one man who has been the best at understanding, appreciating, and celebrating my blog is the guy who I care about the most in the last 2+ years of dating since my separation. So Naked Girl in a Dress has been helpful for me. I will continue to put it out there first and see how men react.

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Kristy @PampersandPinot January 28, 2012 at 10:58 am

Sounds like you have a good one to hang with right now! I’m married, so I don’t have to worry about dates reading my blog, but it sure is interesting to have all sorts of people that I know, even just acquaintances, who read my blog and know so much about me all the time. I have to admit, I like it. I am an attention monger of sorts.
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alfred lives here January 28, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Well that guy who is “peeling away the layers” post by post sounds like a winnah!

I started my blog a couple of years ago, and was engaged already; we had just seen Julie and Julia, and I sure as hell wasnt gonna start cooking, so I started blogging. My fiance (now husband) was beside me and encouraged me to restart my love of writing. The only laught of comment was when I chose the blog name and he said “Oh of course you’re going to name it after Alfred, the love of your life…”.
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Naked Girl in a Dress January 30, 2012 at 9:20 am

You know you have a good one in your life when he supports your writing endeavor. I have found the guys who have issue with my writing were ultimately not good to have in my life for many reasons. It’s great you had support at the start of your blog!

I understand your love of Alfred too. He is adorable!!

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My Inner Chick January 28, 2012 at 11:30 pm

—Love this post.

I am quite open about my blog. Everybody around here
knows about it including my doctor, boss, co-worders, & family.

Mr. Liverpool (my hubs) reads all of my posts, too.

I just put it all out there….& don’t really give a damn what others think…

x
My Inner Chick recently posted..The Chick Stands Too CloseMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2012 at 8:26 am

The great thing about having a blog is that people can’t gossip about you! Nothing left to say behind your back. I found that liberating after my separation.

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idiosyncratic eye January 29, 2012 at 8:23 am

I think you just wrote the guide! :)
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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2012 at 8:33 am

Thank you! I hope it helps others.

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