Remarrying: Maybe or I Do?

The Wedding Rings ©Sharron Goodyear

Dating post-divorce involves a different set of questions than when you are single and have not been married. Even if compatibility and chemistry exists, there are a few questions that can be deal-breakers for one or both partners in a new relationship. This might not be true for all budding romances post-divorce, but for many there are a few answers to questions that must align for the couple if the relationship is to continue. There are a variety of essential questions, but some seem more common than others.

Three Common Questions Asked When Divorced and Dating

  • How many children do you have?
  • Do you want to have more children?
  • Do you think you will ever marry again?

The first two are easy for me to answer (two, no). The third question requires a more detailed response because simply stating “maybe” always leads to follow-up questions. Maybe is not my answer because I have not thought about this and I am still unsure. I am also not jaded and cynical as a result of the divorce. There is one simple answer:

I am happy and fulfilled in my own life.

I could be negative and add:

So why would I want to screw it up by getting married?

But I won’t.

Because I honestly don’t feel that way about marriage.

But I do have reservations.

Single Mom Seeking wrote a great piece last week about overcoming the fear of getting married. I read, closely monitoring my reaction, looking for any signs that my “maybe” response is truly a sign of commitment issues. I realized from reading her article that I am just being careful. And I have very good reasons to be cautious with such a big decision.

I have two wonderful kids. We have a great relationship, work well as a family, we genuinely like each other, and enjoy our family time.

We have lived in our community since 1992. The three of us are well-established with friends, the school, and the community as a whole. I am Aunt Kelly to some of the kids and I have watched this wonderful group of children grow up together.

I have a flexible job with a good compensation package.  Photography school and writing projects provide a wonderful creative outlet for me.

And, even when I am stuck on home improvement and repair projects, I always have friends willing to help. This might not seem significant, but my home repairs skills are lacking.

As a result, I don’t need a man for anything so I am not looking for someone to marry as my savior–financial or otherwise. I want a man because I love everything that comes with being in a happy, healthy, intimate relationship. To take the step to blend families means making huge changes to the life I have now.

It would take a special man and a solid relationship to want to remarry.

My response is maybe because I won’t settle in what I want in a man and a relationship, which might mean I never marry again; it doesn’t come from not being sure I can make the commitment. What is promising is that I do know what I am looking for and when I find the right guy for me, I will work on building a solid relationship with him.

If you are divorced, have you contemplated remarrying?

What would it take for you to say “I do?”

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