Relationship Success: Enjoying the String of Tiny Moments

January 21, 2013

in Best of Naked Girl, Relationships

datingWhen I was in the throes of figuring out the online dating scene several years ago, I remember speaking to a neighbor who was also trying to navigate the various sites. She too was overwhelmed with the online dating process.

The neighbor declared, “I just want someone who, at the end of a hectic day, we just fall on the sofa together and connect.”

Her comment made me think about the complexity of the online dating process, and the simplicity of what many of us want at the end of each day. Checking out profiles, messaging back and forth, participating in “chemistry starters,” and receiving the initial calls and texts from prospective dates. All that effort to find someone randomly online, do the pre-first-date dance, finally meet for the first time, and then sit evaluating each other over a drink or meal. Somehow this process is supposed to lead us to finding the man (or woman) of our dreams. All the complicated steps to find what I think many of us hope for, and what my neighbor described–simply finding comfort and solace in a partner.

Chemistry, compatibility, common interests, intellect, and other criteria are a factor; having the right attributes is important, too. But the conversation made me pause, realizing it’s the small things in day-to-day living that build a life together. The qualities one wants in a partner must be present, but so too must that feeling of happiness and contentment when envisioning spending a day grocery shopping, cooking, caring for the kids, doing yard work together, or watching a favorite show.

Life is made up of tiny moments strung together. Finding a partner is about seeking out the person you want to spend each of those moments with, and without whom they aren’t quite as bright. I have remembered the conversation from many years ago, and think about it even more when I am happily doing household chores with Sean; last weekend is a great example.

Even though last weekend was without kids, Sean and I had a big task to tackle. It wasn’t how we would have chosen to spend a kid-free weekend, but it was necessary. We had a wonderful time, though, enjoying each tiny moment of the weekend. We had fun seeing movies and eating out, but also enjoying our time together cleaning, packing, and moving him in with the kids and me on Sunday. Sean and I are great partners together when taking care of house tasks, goal planning, parenting, and just about every other aspect of our relationship. The strength of what we have, the two of us, it makes everything brighter.

For Song of the Week, here’s “You and Me” by Dave Matthews. Enjoy.


Today’s post was inspired by the Studio30 Plus writing prompt: without kids.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Lance January 21, 2013 at 2:25 pm

congratulations!

It’s awesome when things work out post divorce, isn’t it?
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Naked Girl in a Dress January 21, 2013 at 2:31 pm

It is, Lance. I am really happy. Thanks for the well wishes.

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Random Girl January 22, 2013 at 1:07 pm

From where you were, to where you are…wow!! Congratulations on finding your partner to enjoy those little, yet wonderful, moments with.
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Naked Girl in a Dress January 22, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Thanks, RG! I am glad you have been reading along on my journey, and providing great advice along the way.

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@bluenotebacker January 22, 2013 at 4:57 pm

It makes me smile to know you and Sean have found each other. I think it’s awesome :)

I like to imagine that when you find the person you’d be happy spending all your time with, but you both feel comfortable doing your own thing during some of the times you’re alone together, then you’ve really connected with the person you’re meant to be with.

Know what I mean?
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Naked Girl in a Dress January 22, 2013 at 8:32 pm

It makes me happy to know you have someone in your life as well, Sean.

I do know what you mean, but I am still in the phase where I love being with Sean and don’t want alone time. Now that we are living together, knowing we won’t be apart for days at a time, maybe that will change.

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Charlotte January 28, 2013 at 12:49 pm

Oh, love this, Kelly. And how very right you are. It’s the little moments that matter and what you make of your time. Being able to enjoy every miniscule task (from grocery shopping to hopping in the car to go to Home Depot) is an important part of chemistry and compatibility. But for some reason, I was always afraid of putting that in my dating profile. Not sure why, because it’s the God’s honest truth. And I have to imagine that there are many of us out there… and we all want the same things, right?

So very happy you have found this with someone :)

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2013 at 11:31 am

Thank you, Charlotte. I am happy you are there, too.

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