When I was in the throes of figuring out the online dating scene several years ago, I remember speaking to a neighbor who was also trying to navigate the various sites. She too was overwhelmed with the online dating process.
The neighbor declared, “I just want someone who, at the end of a hectic day, we just fall on the sofa together and connect.”
Her comment made me think about the complexity of the online dating process, and the simplicity of what many of us want at the end of each day. Checking out profiles, messaging back and forth, participating in “chemistry starters,” and receiving the initial calls and texts from prospective dates. All that effort to find someone randomly online, do the pre-first-date dance, finally meet for the first time, and then sit evaluating each other over a drink or meal. Somehow this process is supposed to lead us to finding the man (or woman) of our dreams. All the complicated steps to find what I think many of us hope for, and what my neighbor described–simply finding comfort and solace in a partner.
Chemistry, compatibility, common interests, intellect, and other criteria are a factor; having the right attributes is important, too. But the conversation made me pause, realizing it’s the small things in day-to-day living that build a life together. The qualities one wants in a partner must be present, but so too must that feeling of happiness and contentment when envisioning spending a day grocery shopping, cooking, caring for the kids, doing yard work together, or watching a favorite show.
Life is made up of tiny moments strung together. Finding a partner is about seeking out the person you want to spend each of those moments with, and without whom they aren’t quite as bright. I have remembered the conversation from many years ago, and think about it even more when I am happily doing household chores with Sean; last weekend is a great example.
Even though last weekend was without kids, Sean and I had a big task to tackle. It wasn’t how we would have chosen to spend a kid-free weekend, but it was necessary. We had a wonderful time, though, enjoying each tiny moment of the weekend. We had fun seeing movies and eating out, but also enjoying our time together cleaning, packing, and moving him in with the kids and me on Sunday. Sean and I are great partners together when taking care of house tasks, goal planning, parenting, and just about every other aspect of our relationship. The strength of what we have, the two of us, it makes everything brighter.
For Song of the Week, here’s “You and Me” by Dave Matthews. Enjoy.
Today’s post was inspired by the Studio30 Plus writing prompt: without kids.