Last night, with my bluetooth in my ear, I was upstairs multi-tasking. Talking to The Boyfriend as he drove home from a visit to see his children, applying make-up, and flipping laundry; I was a flurry of activity as I prepared to go out for the evening.
Downstairs I heard the kids laughing, while playing with our dog and the person who would be watching them while I was out with friends. As voices carried upstairs I could hear the three of them making plans for what they would do while “mommy was out.”
After ending the call with The Boyfriend, I joined the group on the main floor, asking the three of them what they wanted for dinner. Once a consensus was reached, I started to heat it up for everyone before AC arrived to pick me up for our girls’ night out.
When I returned from dinner out with friends, the kitchen was cleaned up from dinner, both kids had bathed, Monkey was asleep, and Princess Daisy was heading upstairs for the evening. Everyone had a fun time at home while I was able to spend some quality time with two special friends.
The only thing out of the ordinary in this story is that I didn’t reach for my wallet to pay the sitter as he left. Because he isn’t a sitter. He’s the kids’ father and my ex-husband.
Talking about my childcare arrangements when I left the house for the evening, I commented to AC, “We are so functional in our relationship as ex-spouses that we are actually dysfunctional.”
Not operating normally or properly.
We work together in a company we founded 12 years ago, successfully co-parent, are friends, and help each other when needed. We are an atypical divorced couple.
It hasn’t always been a great relationship. It was strained in the beginning of the separation. There were fights and disappointment during the divorce negotiation. What remained constant during our negotiations in 2009 was our ability to step away, calm down, and try again. There was no irreparable harm during the process as a result.
Part of redefining our relationship was also working on forgiveness. The only way we were able to do this was to focus on looking forward instead of fixating on what was behind us.
Letting go of the difficulties in our past was challenging, but it has also been rewarding. It brought about inner peace, happiness, and greater depth of connection with those in my life.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
- Hermann Hesse
Letting go, moving forward, and redefining life and relationships as I go. It’s progress.
And, in my case, dysfunction I am happy to embrace.