How Do You Know If Someone Is Really In Love with You?

February 23, 2012

in Best of Naked Girl, Naked Girl Has Guests, Relationships

question mark I typically stalk a blogger for awhile, enjoying his/her writing, and then reach out to guest write here. Today’s writer, My Honest Answer, was a completely different scenario. The writer (he/she is anonymous) left a comment on my blog. I followed the link and, well, fell in love with the excellent advice being given and the great writing style. In short, I was hooked. I immediately reached out for this talented writer to be a guest.

Read the advice given on Naked Girl today and then visit the site My Honest Answer. The tagline, “The advice your best friend would give you. If she had the guts” says it all. You will find informative and entertaining responses throughout. Once you become addicted to this great advice writer you will want to follow on Twitter and Facebook as well.

Enjoy!

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Question: How do you know someone is really in love with you rather than in love with the idea of having someone to date?

My Honest Answer: You should be able to tell from the dates themselves. When someone is in love with you, or, more accurately, when someone is falling in love with you, they can’t get enough of you. The date itself is secondary. There should be little emphasis on where you go, the point is that you go together.

You know that someone is more interested in having someone to date than dating you when:

  • The date is always to a place where you can’t talk, such as a movie or a play.
  • They are constantly taking pictures of the date for Facebook. It means they are more invested in looking cool than in spending time with you. (If they do this using instagram? It’s a lost cause. Dead giveaway that they are more interested in how things look, rather than how things are).
  • They feel the need to declare their undying love for you on Facebook. If they felt that way about you, and were emotionally healthy enough, they would tell you. Directly. If they want to tell everyone else, well, the lady  (or guy) doth protest too much.
  • They dwell on past relationships – specifically what went wrong. Healthy people know that relationships end for a reason. People who are only interested in being with someone, anyone, focus on what went wrong, because they still want to be in the relationship for the relationship’s sake, even if that relationship wasn’t that great.

Happily, you know they are more interested in being with you than having a date when:

  • The dates are all about each other. You talk talk talk, and can’t get enough of just being with each other. You don’t need to be anywhere special, you don’t need constant entertainment. In fact, when you’re falling in love, going to see a movie becomes torture, because you just want to talk to each other!
  • They want to tell you all about themselves. But not in a dwelling on the past kind of way, more in a, ‘I have to tell you everything I’ve ever done in my whole life right this second or I’m going to burst!’ kind of way. You want to share yourselves with each other. And you don’t fear hearing the truth.
  • Similarly, you will want to tell them everything you’ve ever done, every place you’ve ever been, and every story you’ve got. Not to impress them, but because you need to know each other. And you don’t fear telling the truth.

The main reason you know someone is in love with you, rather than the idea of you, however, is that they show it. They are invested in you. They don’t leave you wondering. They want to see you as much as you want to see them. You know you are their first priority.

If you don’t feel that, then there are two possibilities:

  1. They are indeed more into the idea of dating you than you in particular.
  2. They do really like you, but they are unable to express those feelings properly.

And, sorry to say it, but either way, this isn’t the person you want to date. Because I’m guessing you want emotional intimacy from a relationship. And when you know what you want, it’s easier to walk away when you’re not getting it.

This is the honeymoon period. If you’re not feeling it now – that joy, that connection, and ultimately, that they feel the same way about you – then you won’t be feeling much of anything in ten years time. Except maybe regret.

Don’t quiet that voice that is telling you that this isn’t it. Because if it were, you wouldn’t have these nagging doubts.


{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }

Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness February 23, 2012 at 8:24 am

As I dive back into the dating pool, this is an excellent post that I need to tuck away for future reference. :)
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 23, 2012 at 10:17 am

My Honest Answer gives great advice. I hope you can use the site in the future for more dating advice.

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Eric February 23, 2012 at 9:14 am

Excellent advice!
Eric recently posted..It’s Time to Stand and StareMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

I agree! I was so happy My Honest Answer agreed to guest write today.

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my honest answer February 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

Thanks for all your lovely words guys, and for having me here today! You are the sweetest crowd.
my honest answer recently posted..The nicer things in lifeMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 24, 2012 at 6:33 am

It was great to host you yesterday!

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WritersWritingWords (Eleni) February 23, 2012 at 10:51 am

Your guest is so right — dating is about being with each other, discovering each other, getting fascinated by each other. Impressing you is good, for it shows (s)he cares to offer you a good time — as long as it doesn’t get ostentatious.
WritersWritingWords (Eleni) recently posted..How Much Romance in a Romance Story?My Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 24, 2012 at 6:36 am

I agree that the advice was spot-on and with your comment.

Thanks for visiting….I am off to check out your latest post.

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Brett Minor February 24, 2012 at 12:47 am

That was awesome. Great breakdown and I believe it is dead on.
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 24, 2012 at 6:32 am

Isn’t this advice writer good? You should check out the blog.

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Pam Asberry February 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

It all sounds so simple and commonsensical, but somehow I have managed to miss it in nearly every relationship I have ever been in. After a year off, I am dating again, and am glad to have this post to refer to. I should probably just memorize it!
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

I often find the intuition is there, but I make a conscious decision to ignore it because the guy is fun, nice, or something similar. I am trying to get better at making a quick, clean break when I actually pay attention to the signs it is a bad match.

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Chris February 24, 2012 at 3:35 pm

There’s nothing like finding great new blogs to follow :) Was already a fan of My Honest Answer, but just wanted to say I am loving Naked Girl in a Dress, such a refreshing read, you’ve got me hooked!

Keep up the great work, and have a fantastic day!
Chris recently posted..Social Media and Blogging: Are You a Sharer? Take on the Social Sharing 30 Day Challenge!My Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 28, 2012 at 6:49 am

Welcome! Thank you for visiting and for the kind words. I hope to see you back again soon.

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Jenn February 27, 2012 at 6:52 am

All of these are completely true – I haven’t been single since before iPhones and Facebook were invented, but the rules are pretty much the same: if they aren’t focused on YOU, then it’s time to walk away!
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 28, 2012 at 6:34 am

That is so true Jenn! Isn’t this great advice?

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Jana February 29, 2012 at 11:30 am

I don’t know that I agree with all of these points. Specifically, I’m quite wary of any relationship that’s incredibly intense in the beginning. For me, that’s a sign that there’s more infatuation than love happening. And I don’t want to be so blinded by the endorphins that come from infatuation that I don’t make wise choices about who to share my life with.
For example, my current relationship started off slowly–with conversations about books and travel, and eventually warmed into something more intimate. And, we’re also both very invested in our careers so we do all we can to give each other the space to do that, while still maintaining communication across timezones (when traveling for business reasons).
Maybe I’m just weird, but I want a partner who is balanced and secure and not prone to drop everything in their lives when romance hits. I want to see that their first priority is taking care of themselves, and not romancing me.
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Alice Koko May 13, 2013 at 11:00 pm

Could not agree more!
I am not in “the market” for finding the ONE, but I am observing those who say nice things about and to me as wishing to have more of me. If being honest,I am too nice of the person to flip off a cup of coffee or a walk in the park,but nagging voice in the back of my head- “you know they will push for more” surfaces for me to be cautious about my behavior. I am friendly person and dislike it to be interpreted into something else… and then the ball rolls…and next thing you know, you are in relationship. Huh… I am trying to figure out a strategy how not to fall into relationships from being simply friendly. Any advice?
Alice Koko recently posted..Distractions of good causeMy Profile

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