I typically stalk a blogger for awhile, enjoying his/her writing, and then reach out to guest write here. Today’s writer, My Honest Answer, was a completely different scenario. The writer (he/she is anonymous) left a comment on my blog. I followed the link and, well, fell in love with the excellent advice being given and the great writing style. In short, I was hooked. I immediately reached out for this talented writer to be a guest.
Read the advice given on Naked Girl today and then visit the site My Honest Answer. The tagline, “The advice your best friend would give you. If she had the guts” says it all. You will find informative and entertaining responses throughout. Once you become addicted to this great advice writer you will want to follow on Twitter and Facebook as well.
Question: How do you know someone is really in love with you rather than in love with the idea of having someone to date?
My Honest Answer: You should be able to tell from the dates themselves. When someone is in love with you, or, more accurately, when someone is falling in love with you, they can’t get enough of you. The date itself is secondary. There should be little emphasis on where you go, the point is that you go together.
You know that someone is more interested in having someone to date than dating you when:
- The date is always to a place where you can’t talk, such as a movie or a play.
- They are constantly taking pictures of the date for Facebook. It means they are more invested in looking cool than in spending time with you. (If they do this using instagram? It’s a lost cause. Dead giveaway that they are more interested in how things look, rather than how things are).
- They feel the need to declare their undying love for you on Facebook. If they felt that way about you, and were emotionally healthy enough, they would tell you. Directly. If they want to tell everyone else, well, the lady (or guy) doth protest too much.
- They dwell on past relationships – specifically what went wrong. Healthy people know that relationships end for a reason. People who are only interested in being with someone, anyone, focus on what went wrong, because they still want to be in the relationship for the relationship’s sake, even if that relationship wasn’t that great.
Happily, you know they are more interested in being with you than having a date when:
- The dates are all about each other. You talk talk talk, and can’t get enough of just being with each other. You don’t need to be anywhere special, you don’t need constant entertainment. In fact, when you’re falling in love, going to see a movie becomes torture, because you just want to talk to each other!
- They want to tell you all about themselves. But not in a dwelling on the past kind of way, more in a, ‘I have to tell you everything I’ve ever done in my whole life right this second or I’m going to burst!’ kind of way. You want to share yourselves with each other. And you don’t fear hearing the truth.
- Similarly, you will want to tell them everything you’ve ever done, every place you’ve ever been, and every story you’ve got. Not to impress them, but because you need to know each other. And you don’t fear telling the truth.
The main reason you know someone is in love with you, rather than the idea of you, however, is that they show it. They are invested in you. They don’t leave you wondering. They want to see you as much as you want to see them. You know you are their first priority.
If you don’t feel that, then there are two possibilities:
- They are indeed more into the idea of dating you than you in particular.
- They do really like you, but they are unable to express those feelings properly.
And, sorry to say it, but either way, this isn’t the person you want to date. Because I’m guessing you want emotional intimacy from a relationship. And when you know what you want, it’s easier to walk away when you’re not getting it.
This is the honeymoon period. If you’re not feeling it now – that joy, that connection, and ultimately, that they feel the same way about you – then you won’t be feeling much of anything in ten years time. Except maybe regret.
Don’t quiet that voice that is telling you that this isn’t it. Because if it were, you wouldn’t have these nagging doubts.