I Ain’t Afraid of No Teenagers

Guest Writer

My guest today is Katie Sluiter from Sluiter Nation. It’s probably best to start by saying Katie is awesome and inspiring. She is a great writer, positive person, all over the internet, and fun. Oh, and she is a mom to two, with the most recent addition joining the family in March. Of course Katie didn’t stop writing. Instead she increased her writing commitment by becoming a contributing writer at Borderless News and Views right before her scheduled c-section. That makes sense, right? To Katie it did and she is a great addition to their writing team as a result–writing in Lifestyle and Politics on alternate weeks.

After you read her great piece here, visit her site, follow her on Twitter, and like her on Facebook. Oh, and if you are a Studio30 Plus member, you could also become her friend there too. You will be happy to make her acquaintance.

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I am not good with little kids.

I mean, I have two little kids: an almost 3-year old and an 8-week old–both boys–and I LOVE them. I think they are cute and funny and smart and awesome to hang out with.

But I don’t get them sometimes.

And they don’t get me. They for sure don’t get my jokes.

Although I have trained them to laugh with me.

(WITH me, people. Not AT. WITH.)

Many of my fellow moms with smalls talk about how terrified they are of the TEEN YEARS.

I am so not nervous.

Not even a little bit.

I am a high school teacher and have over a decade of experience with weird teenager moods. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t utter, “teenagers are weirdos,” and then fall over laughing.

I can deal with the seemingly ADD of 14-year old boys and the moody drama of the 15-year old girls.

I know what to say to get kids that age to listen to me.

I am familiar with what the teens these days are listening too. Some of it I can get behind, and when I can’t? I can mock it intelligently.

And they get my jokes.

Well, most of the time. And when they don’t? I can tease them about that too.

I am not afraid to tell it like it is to teenagers, because that is what they understand and respect.

I don’t get embarrassed by their questions. It seems whenever I am pregnant someone will awkwardly ask me something I feel they should have learned in sex ed.* But I answer it anyway. In front of the whole class because I assume others wonder too.

*calm down, it’s nothing about actual sex. Just things like, “how does the baby breathe?” or “will a C-section hurt?” or “wait. more has to come out besides the baby?” It helps that I have had two c-sections. I like to think it means no one is thinking about my vagina. EVER.

It’s hard for teenagers to rattle me or throw me off my game.

Oh they have tried, but I am quick.

Their hormone swings and bad choices and dorky behavior around the opposite sex and bad attitudes and slacker tendencies and constant mind-wandering…none of it makes me nervous.

I mean, when my boys are teenagers, I will only have the two of them in front of me…not 25 or more at a time. And they will be mine. So I can be even more open and honest.

No, I am not afraid of the teenage years.

But I would like to postpone them so I can get more of these dependent, cuddly years where they call me “mommy” for awhile.

Because I will be afraid of my teenage boys if they still call me “mommy” when the are 17.

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