Naked Boy in a Suit

May 24, 2012

in Guests, While Perched upon my Soapbox

Guest WriterToday’s guest writer is Brahm from alfred lives here. Full disclosure: I fell in love with Alfred, the adorable dog-child of Brahm, first. It was inevitable that I would also fall for the writer though. He is a talented writer and a great guy. Funny is an understatement in describing him too. After you read his excellent piece below on marriage equality, go read his blog, follow him on Twitter, and friend him over at Studio30 Plus. He will have you laughing too.


Hello Naked Girl readers…hey, that sounds kind of pervy. Anyway…

It is my pleasure to be here, in this smart, funny blog about being happy at any age. So yes this is me stepping outside my comfort zone, as my usual blogging choice is to make fun of the Kardashians and Dancing With The Non-Stars.

Outside of my internationally famous blogging career (yeah, right), I have a middle management corporate job, a pretty good one, and I have many suits as I wear a suit and tie every day.

One of those suits is more special than the others. It is a beautiful grey Paul Smith suit. I got married in it two years ago this month. My husband wore a matching grey Burberry suit. Yep, our wedding had two grooms, no brides.

Here in Canada same-sex marriage has been legal for almost a decade. In our own quieter super-civilized Canadian way, we went through then what the USA, and readers of this blog, are going through now–a debate on what marriage is, and what it should be. The laws went through, the majority was good with it, and we have moved forward.

I believe that love is love, and that marriages is about family and stability rather than gender, and should be available for those who want it. And no I am not objective, being that I am gay and married. And it is not unanimous in our country, or even in my family; my parents did not attend our wedding. My brother came with his wife and kids, and his four-year-old daughter was our ring bearer. And she stole the whole frigging show in a pink dress and a huge smile.

I understand the arguments for and against, and the lack of comfort with what is new and different. And no we should not be imposing anything on religious institutions–marriage is a civil act in our society. The religious part is separate and distinct.

And let’s not talk about traditional marriage as a reason for not supporting marriage equality–a true traditional marriage was one man with many wives, plus slaves, and concubines, and such practices as taking possession of the wives of men you conquered. “Traditional marriage” is out of date.

Why is marriage important? Let’s go back to the title of this blog….underneath the dress, or the suit, or the pink feather boa, we are all just people. Everybody wants love and family, whatever that means for them, and everyone should be true to themselves so why not open up the “traditional” family structure to everyone who wants to embrace it with an open heart? This is the next step in the civil rights movement; it was not that long ago–within many of our lifetimes–that interracial marriages were not legal in. We have come a long way. And we have a long way still to go.

Over the last few weeks, as President Obama personally endorsed marriage equality, and GOP candidate Mitt Romney opposed it, a prominent Republican pollster came out with a survey showing marriage equality acceptance is largely a generational thing and is going to happen, period. So he suggested the Republican party embrace marriage equality in the context of their long-term beliefs of being pro-family and in favor of less government interference. Makes sense to me…

The novelist John Irving recently said “if you don’t like the idea of gay marriage, the you are probably someone who shouldn’t marry someone of the same sex…”; the point is a good one, which is that if life on earth is–or should be–about finding joy, and at the very minimum not causing harm to others, then what is the issue here?

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Marie Nicole May 24, 2012 at 11:00 am

Marriage is so gay… I love saying that because it is a slap in the face to those who misuse or abuse the word. I’m so proud to be a Canadian right now. Our country did what was right and did it quietly. How awesome is that?

I honestly think people were all for it until they saw it. When California made gay marriage legal and newspapers posted on the front page full blown pictures of “you may now kiss the bride” it simply shocked people. They weren’t ready to see it, actually SEE the results of gay marriage blasting in their faces. Then the law quickly changed again. Ugh. I was so sad when they backtracked like an un-hero backpeddling away from the over steep hill… Running with its tail neatly snug between its legs and squealing like a piglet on a farm. Then I felt shame for calling myself a human and feeling like I was part of THAT group.
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Naked Girl in a Dress May 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

It was a huge setback and disappointment in CA, but it is good that progress in now being made. Albeit slowly, but we can see change coming.


alfred lives here May 25, 2012 at 12:38 am

Change is certainly happening, step by step!
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alfred lives here May 25, 2012 at 12:38 am

I love seeing t-shirts and stuff that say Marriage Is So Gay, it really does say it all!

I too was so saddened to see California back track on marriage equality, however with the progress in New York and now Obama endorsing, the tide really is turning towards equality… it is an exciting time!
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Charlotte May 24, 2012 at 1:08 pm

This is a fantastic post and I love the John Irving quote at the end. I have adopted a very similar stance to gay marriage over the years. It could be because I grew up just outside of Manhattan and many of my best friends are gay/lesbians, but I don’t understand why this has become such a huge, dividing issues. Polls show that gay couples tend to outlast heterosexual couples, so why not entitle them to the same benefits that everyone else gets to enjoy?

Canada has always been miles ahead, in my opinion. Now if they can only figure out this tuition hike on education…
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alfred lives here May 25, 2012 at 12:36 am

Thanks so much Charlotte… I too do not understand why is such a controversial issue, which is of course my totally personal and subjective opinion.

And our education is still so cheap compared to the US and other places, I think the hikes make sense though clearly poorly rolled out.
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Corey Feldman May 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Happy anniversary!
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alfred lives here May 25, 2012 at 12:35 am

Well thanks… two years yesterday!
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Jester Queen May 28, 2012 at 10:05 am

I’m sorry your parents wouldn’t attend, but it’s delightful that your brother not only arrived, but brought the ring bearer. (And PROPS to you for making her a ring bearer instead of the more traditionally female flower girl. I love it when gender roles get shaken up.)

For me, the whole complex issue is very simple. When my parents divorced, my Dad had nowhere to go. It was his own damned fault, but Mom wouldn’t throw him out on those conditions, and they could easily have wound up stuck living together in even less harmony than ever.

And they might have done, too. But a family friend and her partner stepped in and let Dad move into their upstairs. It’s fifteen years later, and Dad STILL lives there. A lesbian couple and my Dad sharing a little house with one bathroom. I have no idea how they manage, since my straight father is a peacock. (Famous quote “George, you take more time in the bathroom than a straight woman!”)

Oh – and he had and has no money. He’s a broke sort of fellow. He works for his extremely underpriced room and board. These women took him in because he is a good friend, and they let him stay there because they are two of the most loving, generous-hearted people I know.

It infuriates me that my trashy sister could marry her trashy boyfriend for six whole trashy months but that Shari and Elise, who have been partners for at least 20 years, can’t legalize their marriage. They have held a commitment ceremony. They refer to each other as wife. But they still have to file the damned “single” tax forms each year.

How is that right?
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Naked Girl in a Dress May 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

Yet another excellent example of a couple who have every right to have the same rights as heterosexual couples. I hope we see swift changes in the next couple of years.


alfred lives here May 28, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Love the story of the couple your dad lives with… yet another reason that same-sex marriage should be legal, for true marriage equality — a family is what a family is.

As for my own family, it has been tumultuous for years, and when my brother and his wife and 3 kids came, including the little one who stole the show (and is in all the pics), that was the family I needed there. Plus tons of friends who are family to me. Those who choose not to attend (parents, other brother) are the ones missing out.
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Classic NYer May 31, 2012 at 1:07 pm

You know the real issue with gay marriage is that nobody gets to wear a pretty bride gown unless it’s a lesbian marriage or unless one of you is Dennis Rodman or RuPaul. And really, what good is a wedding with no pretty bride gown?
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alfred lives here June 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Ooh, a couple of killer suits also does the trick, trust me!!! We know how to shop!!!!
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injaynesworld June 3, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Excellent, my friend. I adore both you and Kevin. Every time I hear that your parents didn’t attend your wedding it breaks my heart. I would have been proud to be the mother of either of the grooms. This is an excellent piece and makes some fine points. Good job.
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alfred lives here June 9, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Thans so much Jayne, I am thrilled you like the piece…. and thanks for being so supportive. After I got over the fact that my parents didn’t come (it hasn’t been a good relationship for a long time), I did come to truly believe and accept that was their loss. Most of our families were and are fantastic, so overall pretty lucky in that department.
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