Exorcising the Elephant

July 6, 2012

in Relationships

Elephant in the room

I have been quiet on my blog lately, but feel it’s time to write again. There are many things I would like to write about, but I have this big elephant sitting across the desk from me right now. She’s taunting me as I try to write about parenting, happiness, or anything else that comes to mind.

The elephant is cackling as only imaginary elephants can, while pointing at me with her trunk. She knows what I should be writing about and she won’t leave my office until I succumb to her. I need to exorcise her from this office so I will capitulate to the taunting. Maybe she’s right, though. Ripping the bandage off quickly, baring myself here, it might help.

The Boyfriend and I broke up.

I love him, I am in pain, but in processing it and being honest with myself, I know it is for the best. It could be seen as a positive or negative quality, but I never work out an exit strategy in a relationship. Things will begin to niggle at me, worrying about red flags raised in a relationship. Instead of taking time to step back and evaluate, I put my energy into figuring out how to bring the flags down the pole. I also tend to not follow my own advice, like reading my well-thought-out list often and not compromising on the more important items listed. This time I chose to ignore several significant incompatibilities with my list because I loved him.

It’s also hard to love someone yet know not all the pieces to the puzzle will ever fit into place. I was trying to reconcile with that thought and simply accept status quo. But when you love someone, you naturally want more. It was never going to progress into something deeper and more significant.

Knowing these things doesn’t make the loss hurt less though.

Thankfully there has been a constant stream of texts, emails, calls, offers to see a movie, grab a cup of coffee, go out to lunch, meet up for dinner, just sit and wipe my tears, and more. These loved ones have understood when I have said I would rather be alone with my tears or that I can’t eat right now. When I have had an appetite or wanted to talk, there has been company. While one love has left my life, it has reminded me that I am loved by many.

My real-life friends are always here, but so are my “virtual” friends–those I know through writing online. I have had a barrage of love and support from this group with the most recent coming from a long time reader, fellow S30P member, and friend. He sent the loveliest email to me this morning that lifted my spirits.

I am sad, but also know these three things to be true:

  1. The sun is still shining.
  2. My heart will heal.
  3. I will love again.


{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }

Momma Sunshine July 6, 2012 at 12:42 pm

*hugs*
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Thank you Momma Sunshine.

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Kathryn July 6, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Don’t forget to grieve your loss … Sometimes I find if i don’t allow myself to feel bad about my break up awhile back, I start to have bad dreams, get anxious and just feel out of whack. that’s when I know I need to feel it and move through it. It is comforting to know we’ve all been there at some point. I’m glad you have such great friends :)

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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Thank you Kathryn. I am one who typically attempts to avoid the pain. I am learning and growing with each experience, which has led to me understanding I need to sit with this pain for a while. By experiencing it now, I will be better prepared to move forward. I need to grieve this loss. I can do it now or later, but it’s inevitable that it must be fully processed.

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Charlotte July 6, 2012 at 1:01 pm

My heart goes out to you, my sweet one.

There is really nothing anyone can say to take away some of that pain, but knowing that all of your friends want to be there for you is incredibly reassuring in times like this. So surround yourself with them and know that, though it may take some time, your heart WILL heal and you most certainly will find love again.

Great big *HUGS* to you, girl. I’m thinking about you.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Thank you Charlotte. It’s a loss that needs some time to heal from and I am doing my best. It would be nice if I could stop crying so I could go out in public. Eating again would be nice too. :)

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hollow tree ventures July 6, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Thinking of you and hoping your heart quickly finds a thousand ways to heal.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Me too Robyn.

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Brook L. Dame July 6, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I’ll add to what Kathryn said; don’t just allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to grieve on your own time schedule. Take as much or as little time as you need to process this and, in the meantime, keep remembering that plenty of us care (and still carry really heavy laptop bags…:-) ) {{{BIG HUG}}}
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

You wielding a laptop case on my behalf will always make me smile. Thank you Brook.

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Eric July 6, 2012 at 1:43 pm

You are a strong and independent woman, I know it very well, and I am happy to see that you are allowing yourself to accept love and friendship from others during this very hard time. You are lucky to have so many and so much.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:24 pm

Thank you for your friendship Eric. I never forget all the gifts in my life. I am lucky. That I know too. :)

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Kimberly July 6, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Your gentle strength and your resilience have always been the things that draw me back to read and learn and grow at NakedGirlinaDress.

Nothing captures the essence of you more than these words:

I know these three things to be true:

The sun is still shining.
My heart will heal.
I will love again.

So right you are. xoxo
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:23 pm

This comment means so much to me on many levels Kimberly. Thank you for this little gift today. I needed it.

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Hey Monkey Butt July 6, 2012 at 2:55 pm

Sad to hear about the break up, but if it’s for the best then good for you. Time will heal the pain, but you know that already!!! :) have a great weekend!
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

Thank you Monkey Butt.

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Galit Breen July 6, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I love the three things that you know, and that you printed them right there.

Sending you the sunlight, as fast as it can travel.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I love the beauty in which you write Galit. Thank you for the comment.

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Kendra July 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I’ve been in a similar position more than once and know that the “process” isn’t easy. I’m not sure what I can add that hasn’t already been said, but just wanted to stop in and send my virtual hugs as well.

-Kendra
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Thanks for your kind comment Kendra.

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Reptile Sadie July 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Damn those pesky pachyderms! Feel it , write it, exhaust it.

You are wonderful, brilliant and resilient. You will mOve forward with your head high.

You are and will be lOved In the way you deserve. No compromise except what movie to see.

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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:21 pm

Thank you for the kind words Sadie. I am fully feeling it. Just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

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Marie Nicole July 6, 2012 at 5:04 pm

The crying in public will slowly trickle down and come to a stop. I was a huge embarrassment for the people with me for the longest time. Oh would i cry! And cry. I found a good thing to help me through was a cute boy-toy. Yeah… I know, it’s bad but it sure helped me get out of my cave. Sigh.

I admire your integrity in being honest with yourself and moving on. Not always easy.

p.s. have I mentioned the benefits of a fit young boy-toy? ツ

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Naked Girl in a Dress July 6, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Thanks for making me laugh!

Only you would leave this comment Marie Nicole!! I will take your suggestion of a young boy-toy to get over this under advisement. :)

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Marie Nicole July 6, 2012 at 11:35 pm

p.s. must be over 18 years of age.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 7, 2012 at 8:56 am

Good to know!

Lisa Thomson July 7, 2012 at 2:59 pm

It helps to write about the pain so good on you for sharing. What tough time for you but I’m happy for you have great friends. Your last 3 reminders are excellent and so very true. Hang in there.

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Naked Girl in a Dress July 7, 2012 at 5:34 pm

Thank you Lisa. I am having a really good day today. I hope I can continue on this path of healing and tomorrow can be another good one.

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My Inner Chick July 8, 2012 at 2:48 am

–Sending you some “Love” from Minnesota.

Xx
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Nicole July 9, 2012 at 9:01 am

Not much I can say that hasn’t been said already, really. I do think it’s so important to feel this. All of it. Every frustrating tear. Every half-hearted attempt to eat something. It’s important to work through the urge to reach out to him, to NOT send the text… Because in the end, you will feel that you conquered this pain, you emerged victorious, and you will be validated that your choice to do this was not a mistake.

Before I met my love, I dated someone for 6 months. He was great. But I was also way more into it than he was. He wasn’t mean, he didn’t treat me poorly, but he didn’t treat me the way I treated him or the way I wanted to be treated. I made the decision to break away from it, and I was devastated. But I chose me over compromise. Always choose you where your happiness is concerned. Your head knows you did the right thing. In time, your heart will agree. xoxo
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Classic NYer July 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Can I hold you? I want to hold you…
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 13, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Thank you!

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