I have a confession to make: I am a serial monogamist at heart.
If I like a guy after a couple of dates, it seems logical to me to focus what time I have to date on getting to know him better. I don’t usually declare I am exclusive, but rather quietly make the decision and move forward in the budding relationship. Considering I have an exit strategy handicap, this is not a good approach to dating. By the time I really get to know the guy, I have mentally and emotionally committed to the relationship, making it harder to walk away.
I spent time thinking about how to proceed before reentering the dating scene. It was clear I needed to take a new approach, giving myself time to get to know a guy before allowing myself to jump in head and heart first. I believe my new, brilliant-for-me approach to dating will bring about a better dating outcome.
I am now a serial dater.
In thinking about my own dating challenges and how a serial dater operates, it makes sense. Unfortunately, being called a serial dater has a negative connotation. According to the Urban Dictionary (I know, the definitive source of knowledge, right?), serial dating is defined as:
One who engages in the process of systematically dating an obscene amount of people in a short span of time. This definition encompasses, but is not limited to: internet dating, bar dating, long distance flirtations, one night stands, friend with benefits, and personal ad surfing. Can be considered a politically correct alternative to word ‘player’ both with and without a negative connotation.
Recently I read an article entitled “Are They Serial Dating or Seeking a Long-Term Relationship?” It was an excellent piece, listing all the angles of serial dating from someone who is a professional player to questioning whether we are all serial daters until we determine someone is the right one for us. There were many viewpoints shared with the hope of contributing to the dating concept being viewed more favorably.
What I see as advantages to serial dating:
- It can lead to a long-term relationship if the person wants to eventually be in a committed relationship.
- Taking this approach reduces the chance of switching to monogamy too quickly.
- Having a lot of first dates leads to a greater understanding of likes and dislikes in a future partner.
- Meeting someone new who suggests a different restaurant or activity only leads to greater life experiences.
I have officially been a serial dater for a few weeks and have been happy with the early results. I have had a string of first dates with only one I am interested in seeing a second time. While I am looking forward to the second date with the one guy, I am equally excited for a few upcoming first dates this week. What I have learned so far is that this approach tempers my enthusiasm, keeping me from getting too excited about any one person before knowing a lot more about him. So, regardless of the stigma attached to serial dating, I am happily settling in to taking my time, dating a lot, and letting time be my friend in this process.