How Important is the First Kiss?

Doisneau Kiss image

In the time I have been single, I have learned a few important things from dating:

  • The first kiss isn’t an indicator of chemistry.
  • A toe-curling first kiss isn’t a foreshadowing of a long-lasting physical connection.

The first date is typically a dance, searching for both a romantic stirring as well as obtaining information to evaluate the other. Somehow, while being interviewed, conducting an interview, conversing with the waiter periodically, and eating a meal, it is expected to determine if there is chemistry as well. For me, with my clearly-defined checklist, the initial focus of the date is about getting to know him, not the level of sparks flying.

The list keeps my head involved by evaluating answers to the peppering of questions throughout the evening, but the overall experience is important as well. In addition to his answers, here are a few things I consider on a first (and subsequent) date:

  • Was he rude to restaurant staff or strangers we came in contact with?
  • Did he complain about how much he hates (or has strained relationships with) his coworkers, ex, family, children, or friends?
  • Was he negative about his career?
  • Does his face light up when he answers questions about his kids?
  • Is he positive and enthusiastic about his life?
  • Did he make me laugh?
  • Was he a gentleman?

It’s great to feel a spark, but it might not happen immediately with one or both of us feeling nervous. Focusing on questions being fired at each other is also not a romance-inducing setting. As a result, I don’t worry about anything other than trying to figure out if he is a good match for me.

Conversely, there could be a fireworks show right over our cozy table for two. It’s great to have those feelings immediately, but it isn’t an indicator for anything other than chemistry. While that is important and must exist, it is just one component of a good relationship. A toe-curling kiss isn’t important if he is rude, disrespectful, or unkind. It will be meaningless if he isn’t a good dad or exhibit signs of having a paternal instinct. It will be insignificant if there are no common interests or great communication.

If we have similar interests, he’s funny, we have an easy-flowing conversation, or there is some other positive experience from the evening, then I am interested in a second date. At some point chemistry needs to exist, but if it doesn’t that first time, I have found it can surface on a subsequent date. Contrarily, I have had a significant, toe-curling kiss fade after a few months of dating to very little passion.

There are so many things to consider in making the decision to see a man a second time. A first, passionate kiss is nice, but not necessary for this Naked Girl.

What about you?

How important is that first kiss?

What are you looking for on a first date?

 Image Credit: Robert Doisineau 

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