Man, I Feel Like a Woman

Cubicle Views

Today’s guest writer’s opening is a how-we-met story. It’s accurate, but I am going to add a little detail. CV from Cubicle Views joined Studio30 Plus. He was excited to dive in, but didn’t know any of the submission guidelines or anything for that matter. Links supposed to go to the site email address were sent directly to me, posted in a comment thread, sent after publication, and more. He kept apologizing, and I kept laughing. It’s now a let-down when he does follow rules. None of this should have been a shock for me because his blog is about misbehaving at work. The guy entertains me with each interaction and every blog post he writes.

While I await his next Weekly Spotlight link via carrier pigeon, read his post here, check out his blog, and stalk him on Twitter (his tweets are funny).

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I was shocked when Kelly asked me to be a guest writer on her blog Naked Girl In A Dress. I had “met” Kelly via the Studio30+ site many moons ago. I was trying to find my way around the site, being new and all, and contacted her with some questions…ok probably a dozen plus. As I’m far from a professional here, I tended to get some most of the processes they had in place at Studio30+ wrong. OK, so in reality for the most part I pretty much ignored them. This led to her labeling me as the “Rule Breaker”. She said, it was funny, but I really think she was more annoyed with me then she let on. So, when she asked me to post on her own site, I was both honored and freaked out about what I’d write. See, I tend to write about the happenings in cube-land, aka my office. That didn’t really seem appropriate for a site entitled Naked Girl In A Dress.

But, then it hit me…

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A little while back, I’m in the cube-farm known as my office and I see Cubicle George, our company’s resident blowhard, wandering around in his own special version of Mom Jeans, company polo shirt tucked in firmly, and I’m assuming the requisite brown belt (although you can’t actually see it).

Look at that gut! That’s no muffin top, that’s like a full Dunkin Donuts store top. I never want to get like that.

Later that night I was talking to Mrs. CV, telling her about how most of the over-40 men at work have a body shape more like Homer Simpson than Ryan Gosling and how I never want to look like Homer. She says, “Well, it is natural for middle-aged men who spend virtually all day sitting to get out of shape and it usually starts with the gut.”

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The next morning, I walked past our mirrored double closet doors, sans shirt, and caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye.

Whoa there…wait a minute. Is that my belly creeping out over my shorts?

Nah, couldn’t be. Must be my poor posture.

<A couple manly chest-pump, stomach-suck-in poses later>

Shit, I’m getting a gut!

 “Honey, come here!”

<Standing in front of the mirror> “Does it look like I’m getting fat?”

Mrs. CV – “You are not fat. You look good for a normal middle-aged guy.”

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