Divorce Advice: Learn to Make Lemonade

January 29, 2013

in Life Lessons

When life gives you lemons

Sometimes life sucks.

There’s no more eloquent way to put it. Life experiences can be frustrating, heartbreaking, painful, depressing, and more. Regardless the extent of the challenge, age and experience lead to understanding these two truths:

  • Whatever the difficulty, it will eventually pass.
  • Make the best of every situation.

Even the most unbearable situation will eventually be resolved, and healing inevitably occurs following a loss. This understanding is something I didn’t possess until separating from my husband. It took experiencing an overwhelming amount of uncertainty and heartache, and then experiencing resolution of the issues, to understand and fully embrace the concept.

As I look back four years, I was facing many stressful challenges; my ex and I had recently split, where the kids and I would live was uncertain, what my financial situation would be was unclear, and whether I would shift careers was unknown. It was overwheming. The ex and I waited a year and a half to even begin divorce negotiations, which was good for several reasons, but also left me worrying and in limbo for far too long; I wasn’t able to fully heal and more forward as a result.

But all these challenges didn’t mean I was miserable and depressed each day; I had great moments as well as some low points. I even embraced many good things in my life that came as a result of the divorce. The more I focused on the good, no matter how fleeting, the more manageable the bad became. And eventually, the aspects of my life that were uncertain were resolved. I could begin to build a life on more solid ground as a result.

“…and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

~Marilyn Monroe

Looking back, life fell apart for me. Something much better fell in place though. None of it would have happened without the difficult experiences I had as a result of the divorce. That has led me to be grateful for the challenges I faced each day as I made my way to this happier life. A few examples:

  • I found my voice in writing again.
  • Have a happier home and kids.
  • Formed closer friendships.
  • Established a successful business doing work I love.
  • Returned to school for a professional photography degree.
  • Met, fell in love with and became engaged to Mr. Right after dating a lot of Mr. Right-Nows.

I made it to the other side of the divorce challenge, enjoying life now more than I ever imagined when thinking of the future four years ago. For those who have not finished walking that path, have faith. The end to the stress and uncertainty will come, and something even better will be waiting on the other side. Until then, make the most of each day. And no matter how hard it is to see the ray of sunshine, find it daily.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Lulu January 29, 2013 at 11:08 am

There is a minuscule part of me that wonders if my own divorce happened too fast. And then, as I read here with you, I remember how stagnant I felt just waiting for something to change. How hopeless it is to feel stuck when all you want to do is move forward.

And you are right – time heals. We grow. We renew. But only if we allow ourselves the courtesy of taking the time to do so.

xx
Lulu
Breakfast After 10
Lulu recently posted..DeconstructedMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2013 at 11:33 am

Ah, allowing ourselves to do so is an excellent point. Sometimes we fight it and avoid the challenge instead of facing it head on. Healing can’t begin until we do. Great comment, Lulu.

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Jester Queen January 29, 2013 at 11:18 am

Yay for you, your kids, your businesses AND Mr. Right!
Jester Queen recently posted..Dead Rock StarsMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2013 at 11:33 am

Thank you!

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Mandy January 29, 2013 at 12:22 pm

Thank you for this. It’s been a little over 18 months since my ex and I separated and we are just now starting the divorce process. I’m glad we waited because I think I needed some time to adjust, but I know it’s time to move past limbo land.

You’re so right…every facet of my life has changed these last almost two years. From having to quit a job I loved and take a full time job, to moving to a smaller home, to not seeing my children every day, to dating and breaking up with someone else. It’s been a roller coaster and it’s so hard to remember that things will get better.

I keep trying to tell myself that saying, “It will all be fine in the end and if it’s not fine, it’s not the end.” It helps.

So does a post like this. I need all the reminders I can get some days.

Thank you.

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 29, 2013 at 12:38 pm

I am sorry you are going through this, but it sounds like you have good perspective–it will be bad at times, but that’s not the end. There really is something waiting at the end of this journey. As for the kids, I struggled with not having them for a long time, but it too passes. You will start to cherish that “me” time in the future. If you ever need anything, please email me.

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lisa thomson January 29, 2013 at 11:04 pm

That’s so inspiring, Kelly! You are right about trying to focus on the ‘good’, however difficult. Once through the tunnel, the good will be even better. Great post.
lisa thomson recently posted..The Flip Side of DivorceMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 31, 2013 at 1:06 pm

Thank you, Lisa. Focusing on the good always leads to better things, especially because we free ourselves of the negativity that is limiting us.

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One Bad Pixie January 30, 2013 at 6:12 pm

Inspiring words as many have or may be facing the challenges in life caused by divorce. It’s not easy walking away and one person always fights over everything whether they want it, deserve it or not. I also like Mandy’s mantra there. It makes sense.

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Naked Girl in a Dress January 31, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Mandy did make an excellent point. I agree. Thank you for visiting!

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