What is Normal

February 26, 2013

in Life Lessons

what is normal

Yesterday I posted about the unusual living arrangements Sean and I have chosen for our family. I stated I recognized it’s not normal, but that it works for us.

What I received in return for publishing this post was a reminder from my readers to focus on what best works for us–however non-traditional it might be–instead of comparing us to what society sees as normal. What’s “normal” can be an ill-fitting solution and actually cause more harm, which I believe would happen to us if we had not made the choice we did regarding our family’s living arrangement. I learned this lesson during my divorce, but somehow I had forgotten it.

Several years ago I was told by many–including divorce lawyers I hired and fired–that it wasn’t normal to handle my divorce the way I did. The amicable relationship with my ex isn’t seen as normal either. I am sure the same naysayers would think it wasn’t normal I have become friends with Sean’s ex either.

What I have been reminded this week, thanks to my wonderful readers, is instead of comparing my decisions to what is normal, I should simply focus on what is normal and right for us. I have no fear of stepping outside what is the norm, but it’s good to be reminded I am not alone in choosing a different path.

“Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine.”

~Whoopi Goldberg

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Charlotte February 26, 2013 at 2:36 pm

LOVE this. And you. Amen. There is no such thing as normal. And if it exists, we wouldn’t want any part of it anyway :)

XOXO
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm

Thank you, Charlotte! You are the best. :)

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Vinny C February 26, 2013 at 6:37 pm

I know people who fight tooth & nail to hold on to that concept of what is considered “normal”. They usually just end up frustrating themselves & those around them.

I gave up on the idea a long time ago. Too stressful & boring.
Vinny C recently posted..No! And I Mean It… Okay?My Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 27, 2013 at 7:05 am

Choosing to do what works for you, regardless of whether it’s deemed normal or not, always works out best in the end. That’s what I am hoping for this time, too.

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TB at Blue Collar Workman February 27, 2013 at 12:39 pm

Yes! I agree compltely. My wife and I have made some VERY unconventional decisions with our money and daughters and home, etc. And someitmes our family has been very judgemental about it, but we try to just stick with what is best for us. It’s good to listen to otehrs and all that, but the people who know you adn your relationships best is you and the person you’re in a relationship with! No one else can really know what’s best or “right.”
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Naked Girl in a Dress February 27, 2013 at 2:41 pm

This is true, TB. Thanks for the encouraging words. This arrangement we have made for our family works for us and we are also excited about it.

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Vicky March 7, 2013 at 5:10 pm

Perfectly said! The reason I end every post with “That’s just my normal” is to remind myself and others that it IS mine. Doesn’t have to be everyone’s. It’s ok that it’s just mine and not yours or hers or his. We are all just trying to find some normalcy in this ever-redefining life we lead. For some of us, “normal” is comforting because it is reliable and consistent. For others “normal” is a negative word. If your family’s normal helps you all live and love and laugh together… than go for it!
Vicky
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Naked Girl in a Dress March 7, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Thank you for the reassuring words, Vicky! We are establishing a life and a family in an unusual way, but it works for us and feels right. We are letting that and our love for each other and the kids guide us.

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