The last time I sent a Christmas card was 2007, which was the last year my ex and I were together. Moving out in December of 2008, there was little thought of creating a Christmas card. Without his name or image on the card, I may as well have called it my divorce announcement rather than a Christmas card.
The first few years following the split, a Christmas card felt like printed proof we were broken. I didn’t feel like we were a family anymore; I was just a single mom with her kids. The deluge of cards delivered from families with happy notes and lots of love captured in the images just added to my feelings of familial inadequacy.
There were years when I made an attempt. I would photograph the kids, thinking this is the year I will order. And yet, it never happened. For some reason, no matter how much better I felt about our family status, I was stuck when it came to taking the step of sending Christmas wishes from our family.
If anyone had been with me two weeks ago when I opened the bright orange Shutterfly box, they would have laughed at me. Or thought I was crazy. Who cries, looking at their Christmas card? I did because no matter how good I felt in my single life, I just couldn’t order cards. It’s the piece that never fell into place.
Six years later and newly married, I am sending out my first card since 2007. Finally.
What has been difficult for you over the years during the holiday season?