I asked Suniverse from The Suniverse to be a guest here because she is funny. And outrageous. Oh, and I like her a lot. Those are my reasons. You will find reasons for liking her as well. My guess is that it will start with her funny guest piece below and then will continue to grow as you follow her hilarious tweets and read her great blog posts. She’s also a member of Studio30 Plus. Friend her there too.

~~~~~~~~~~

The husband and I have been having Date Nights the past several Fridays. Mostly because it’s better than just sitting around the house, but also to pretend that we are FUN! and COOL! and can still hang with the best of them. I’m not sure who “them” are, but we will kick their asses in fun-having.

Since our standby of going out and doing stuff used to entail massive quantities of booze and so many delicious cigarettes, we figured that we needed to come up with something else. Something that would be less likely to have unending after-effects [A hangover at 43 is painful and debilitating in a way that my 23 year old self could not imagine, and neither of us is the type of person who can be just a social smoker. I haven’t smoked in almost 17 years, and I still get a Pavlovian craving sometimes.] and would not take more energy that we’d be able to give after a week of work, which frankly, isn’t much energy at all.

We’ve tended to go out to dinner and maybe see a movie [I’m lying – we’ve gone out to dinner, tried to find a movie we wouldn’t mind seeing, and ended up going home and watching Netflix or Hulu]. Last weekend, we had tickets to go see Kathleen Madigan, who is so goddamn funny I want to stand right next to her and pet her hair and be her BFFFFF.

The husband got the tickets for the 8:00pm show. We picked this show for the following reasons:

1. I tend to fall asleep at 10:30pm, which means I’d be asleep for most of the 10:00pm show, which is just throwing money away.
2. I take an 8:00am exercise class on Saturday mornings because I am too dumb to live.
3. Seriously. 10:00pm for a show? We wouldn’t get home until like midnight, at which point I’d be a pumpkin.

Anyway, we went to the show and were seated and I looked around and noticed that this was an . . . older crowd. There were some people in their 20s, a few in their 30s-40s, but A LOT in their late 50s-60s-70s.

I was a bit weirded out and turned to the husband. “I didn’t realize Kathleen Madigan skewed so old. Did you?”

The husband looked at me and said, “We’re at the old person show. You know, for people who can’t drive after dark. Everyone else comes at 10:00.”

“Asshole.” I punched him in the arm for pointing out that my habits were those of an AARP member.

If you need me, I’ll be in the corner, setting out my Bingo cards.

Related posts:

1. What It Looks Like When Two Competitive People Date

Charlotte from My Pixie Blog is the guest writer today. She is a fun, talented, upbeat person who always seems to brighten my day. I know Charlotte through her blog, volunteer work for Studio30 Plus, and involvement with Single Edition Media so we “bump” into each other almost daily. Charlotte’s writing about love and relationships is honest and insightful. Her reflective posts regarding her past and where she is now–thriving and happy–are my favorite.

Please stop by to visit Charlotte after reading her guest post. She has a great giveaway right now so make sure to read her May 10th post, which has the details. Also follow her on Twitter and Studio30 Plus.

~~~~~~~~~

Each piece of clothing in my closet holds deep meaning in my life. I remember the skirt I wore on an interview for my current position, the long dress that accompanied me on summer Phish tour in 2010, the cute top I wore on a first date with the creepy weirdo who asked me to move in on our first date. Every item triggers a memory in my past, some happy and some painful.

For years, I have had a special relationship with a polka dot green dress that lived in my closet. This retro Zooey Deschanel dress hugs in all the right places and has been with me for at least seven years now. I just love it. I’ve never worn it without receiving at least one compliment and I have the perfect Birkenstocks to go with it. It’s seen me through a few relationships, bad dates, and outings with friends. It was always the perfect go-to dress when nothing else spoke to me on a crisp spring day.

But after a bad date over a year ago, I didn’t want to wear it anymore.

In the beginning of last summer I met up with a guy I had met on Match.com at a tiny wine bar in Chelsea. It was an intimate, dimly lit setting and a nice quiet spot set away from the hordes. He immediately earned a few brownie points for not taking me to a place where I had to scream over loud jukeboxes and drunken college kids playing flip cups (and yes, I have had dates in places like this before). Conversation was effortless and he appeared interested in my work, life, and favorite bands. He asked if I wanted to check out another spot in the area for another cocktail once the bar started to fill in. I agreed and off we went.

It was, for all intents and purposes, the perfect first date.

About a week later, he asked me out again. I had a terrible case of second date jitters (what if this date didn’t live up to the first?) but of course I wanted to go. We agreed to meet under the highline at a new beer garden that had just opened in midtown.

That morning I unearthed the polka dot dress from the far corners of my closet and held it up in the mirror. Blue skies and sunshine were the early predictions for the day and I was happy I had pulled together an outfit that required very little effort.

That evening he greeted me with a kiss and looked down at my feet.

“Birkenstocks? I guess you really are a hippie.”

Yikes.

I smiled and brushed it off, not thinking much of it. But he seemed impatient. He had lost some of the easy-going charm I was drawn to the week before. He appeared preoccupied and anxious about getting our drink tickets. And so I did what I do best. I entertained him with idle chit-chat and asked him questions about his day, his job, his family. When we finally had our drinks, he relaxed a bit and asked about my plans for the fourth of July. I told him how excited I was to meet up with old friends to see Phish.

He scoffed.

“What is that? Your fifth time seeing them this summer?”

“Actually it’s my eighth,” I raised an eyebrow.

I could play at this game, too.

I’m not quite sure what happened. It’s possible he had already formed an opinion on me based on my Birkenstocks and carefree spirit. Perhaps I wasn’t really doing a good job of putting my best foot forward because of nerves and my secret side business (AKA my blog). Or maybe he thought I was an aloof 30-something-year-old with little ambition and a groupie mentality. Whatever it was, I wanted out of the date. I had wasted a very cute dress on a guy who had promised me dinner but had ended the night early instead.

That dress didn’t see the light of day for another year.

About a month ago, I had a date with my boyfriend and I decided I wanted to wear the dress again. I let my curly hair fall just below my shoulders, added some big earrings, and stepped into my comfortable Birks once again. This time I was greeted with a reaction I had never experienced before. He playfully insisted I turn around a few times and asked me to wear it every weekend. He took my face in the palms of his hands and kissed me passionately.

I had my polka dot green dress to thank for this display of affection. It wasn’t that I needed the validation from a boyfriend, but I was happy to erase the negative memories that lived within its folds, its creases, and its narrative history.

And besides, we have many more Phish shows to twirl around in this summer.

Related posts:

1. I Am a Naked Girl in a Dress
2. Darren Rowse Told Me To Start Naked Girl in a Dress and Other Crazy Admissions
3. Oscar Disasters: Amy Adams’ Necklace, Scarlett Johansson’s Dress, Reece Witherspoon’s Hair, and My Nationals Baseball Cap

The internet is where I spend most of my work day. Without fail I stumble upon something daily that makes me laugh. It could be an image, funny tweet, or, in this case, a video.

This is my favorite this week. It’s hilarious.

Enjoy “Call Me Maybe” performed by the Harvard baseball team.

Related posts:

1. And I Shall Call Him Mr. Thunderbolt

Just a few weeks shy of the one year anniversary of my divorce, I have been thinking of the good fortune that has come my way after a long, dark period. The storm I weathered in the last four years was the most challenging in my life to date. There were days I felt so overwhelmed by the sadness and fear of the unknown. The fear was paralyzing and the sadness was oppressive.

But what I know about life is the sun always comes out again.

Some choose to focus on the aftermath of a storm, but I always pay attention to the return of sunshine. When it does begin to shine again, I revel in the warmth, brightness, and the beauty that is more pronounced in the light.

Most days, though, are not one of two extremes: a significant storm or a perfect, cloudless day. It is important on those days to find a ray of sunshine. It might peek out for a fleeting moment, but it’s always there if you look hard enough.

Happy Friday!

No related posts.

My guest today is Katie Sluiter from Sluiter Nation. It’s probably best to start by saying Katie is awesome and inspiring. She is a great writer, positive person, all over the internet, and fun. Oh, and she is a mom to two, with the most recent addition joining the family in March. Of course Katie didn’t stop writing. Instead she increased her writing commitment by becoming a contributing writer at Borderless News and Views right before her scheduled c-section. That makes sense, right? To Katie it did and she is a great addition to their writing team as a result–writing in Lifestyle and Politics on alternate weeks.

After you read her great piece here, visit her site, follow her on Twitter, and like her on Facebook. Oh, and if you are a Studio30 Plus member, you could also become her friend there too. You will be happy to make her acquaintance.

~~~~~~

I am not good with little kids.

I mean, I have two little kids: an almost 3-year old and an 8-week old–both boys–and I LOVE them. I think they are cute and funny and smart and awesome to hang out with.

But I don’t get them sometimes.

And they don’t get me. They for sure don’t get my jokes.

Although I have trained them to laugh with me.

(WITH me, people. Not AT. WITH.)

Many of my fellow moms with smalls talk about how terrified they are of the TEEN YEARS.

I am so not nervous.

Not even a little bit.

I am a high school teacher and have over a decade of experience with weird teenager moods. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t utter, “teenagers are weirdos,” and then fall over laughing.

I can deal with the seemingly ADD of 14-year old boys and the moody drama of the 15-year old girls.

I know what to say to get kids that age to listen to me.

I am familiar with what the teens these days are listening too. Some of it I can get behind, and when I can’t? I can mock it intelligently.

And they get my jokes.

Well, most of the time. And when they don’t? I can tease them about that too.

I am not afraid to tell it like it is to teenagers, because that is what they understand and respect.

I don’t get embarrassed by their questions. It seems whenever I am pregnant someone will awkwardly ask me something I feel they should have learned in sex ed.* But I answer it anyway. In front of the whole class because I assume others wonder too.

*calm down, it’s nothing about actual sex. Just things like, “how does the baby breathe?” or “will a C-section hurt?” or “wait. more has to come out besides the baby?” It helps that I have had two c-sections. I like to think it means no one is thinking about my vagina. EVER.

It’s hard for teenagers to rattle me or throw me off my game.

Oh they have tried, but I am quick.

Their hormone swings and bad choices and dorky behavior around the opposite sex and bad attitudes and slacker tendencies and constant mind-wandering…none of it makes me nervous.

I mean, when my boys are teenagers, I will only have the two of them in front of me…not 25 or more at a time. And they will be mine. So I can be even more open and honest.

No, I am not afraid of the teenage years.

But I would like to postpone them so I can get more of these dependent, cuddly years where they call me “mommy” for awhile.

Because I will be afraid of my teenage boys if they still call me “mommy” when the are 17.

telling teenagers where to go since '01.

No related posts.

©Kelly Sajonia

Each time I publish a post in the category While Perched Upon My Soapbox I find myself writing a prelude to the piece. It usually starts out with me making an excuse for the impending rant and how few of these type of posts I actually publish. I do write so few in this category and I do try to keep the focus of my blog on being free, happy, and uninhibited in life. Today is no different. But today the theme of Naked Girl in a Dress is being  expanded to all people. Even if some people live their lives in a way that others disagree with or find sinful. This post might lead some people to stop reading Naked Girl in a Dress, cause others to pray for my soul, and a certain percentage to cheer me on for my public statement. But I am willing to take what comes my way as a result of sharing my thoughts on a controversial topic:

Those two words don’t belong in the same sentence, but unfortunately people who are haters have inserted themselves in the business of love when it relates to marriage equality. I do understand there are those who don’t hate people who are gay, but pray for their conversion to heterosexuality. Many have the best of intentions in their thoughts, however misguided some of us might find it. Regardless of the motivations, far too many people are impeding equality in this country.

For those who shout the loudest against marriage equality, not one has made a compelling argument as to what terrible thing will happen if people of the same gender are allowed to marry.  Here’s my response to what I have heard as reasons:

• It isn’t our business to decide for others how or who they choose to love.
• Jesus was consistently all-inclusive in his actions and words. Those who speak out as a result of religious beliefs are doing so based upon their interpretation of the Bible, which is subjective.
• If marriage is only for procreation then heterosexual unions that are childless by choice should not be allowed under these rules. And contraceptives should be banned. Oh wait, there are a lot of people working on that. Never mind.
• “It’s wrong” isn’t an intelligent answer.

I had the privilege to shoot a same-sex wedding in D.C. a few weeks ago. I witnessed a love that was inspiring to me and everyone in attendance. There are times you can simply feel the love between two people and this beautiful couple was a great example. With so many unhappy, dysfunctional marriages, I can’t imagine anyone having the right to interfere when true love exists and two people want to make a lifetime, legally-recognized, commitment to each other as these brides did a few weeks ago.

I did not write this post to incite a riot or have my own little group of haters. I am writing it to open dialogue in my small corner of the internet. My hope is there can be respectful disagreement that can possibly lead to greater understanding. Even if it is just one person who becomes a little more open-minded as a result of my effort, I will feel like I accomplished something today.

©Kelly Sajonia

Are you for or against marriage equality?

Why?

Note: No comment below will be allowed that is hateful or disrespectful from either side.

Related posts:

1. How Do You Know If Someone Is Really In Love with You?

Yesterday while running along the National Mall I saw something unusual; there was a sea of pink everywhere. A large pink archway, signs, shirts, flowers, and more. I happened to be running when many were finishing the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. It was a moving experience to see the participants complete their two-day journey, knowing many were survivors of the disease. Running is my thinking time so with eight miles of solitude ahead of me, I spent a lot of time contemplating what I just witnessed by the Washington Monument.

Many women are robbed of a cup size or are no longer perky as a result of pregnancies and breast feeding. Some have never been happy with their small size. Others complain of back pain because of their large breasts. Whatever the complaint, there is something to love about self-perceived, less-than-perfect breasts: they are cancer free. Many survivors who have one breast (or have lost both) as a result of their fight to live would probably be happy to have their breast back in whatever shape or size it was before being diagnosed with the disease.

This isn’t meant to be an anti-surgery post; it’s quite the opposite. This blog is based upon the idea of turning life around at any age, embracing it, and focusing on happiness. If a woman is unhappy with her breasts post-pregnancy, then get a breast lift. Back pain that can be relieved with a breast reduction is preferable over chronic pain. And if small breasts are affecting your happiness, then change it. Each of us finds happiness in different ways and for some making a physical change can lead to a greater level of happiness in their lives.

For me, though, my breasts are my greatest asset. But probably not by most people’s standards. What I love most is the faint, one-inch scar on my right breast. Each day it reminds me of the surgery I had four years ago and my close call with cancer. As a result, that scar is also a reminder of something very important:

I remember to focus on what is good in my life, seek happiness daily, and live life fully.

Do you have any “flaws” you appreciate?

Please share.

Photo Credit

Related posts:

1. Failure Was My Greatest Success

 Just one week ago I was writing a wrap-up post about my stress level and my recent struggle for a work-life balance. I had work for both my sites, was a guest writer on three other sites, shot a wedding, and added a new client into the work mix. I felt as if I could barely breathe. I didn’t panic though because I knew the workload would settle down.

There are countless lessons I have learned in the four years since separating from my ex, but one of the most valuable skills I now possess is perspective. After being faced with what seemed like an overwhelming crisis in my life and surviving it, I now look at life challenges a bit differently. I now simply work hard to push through the moment, knowing there is something better around the corner.

“Something better” this time was a calm, quiet week followed by a relaxing weekend with The Boyfriend. Taking time for me and the three most important people in my life involved lots of Nats baseball, watching movies with the kids, running, fun dinner conversations, family reading time, a unique exhibit at the Hirschhorn museum, the best gluten-free pizza in DC, ice cream, and a margarita. Best of all there was a lot of laughter.

I am not sure if there will be a crazy work week in store for me this week, but I am reenergized and ready for anything that comes my way.

It was also a quiet week for guest-posting for me. Here’s the one article published:

A Wrap-Up of My Writing this Week

Brenna from SheNOW invited me to be a guest writer on her site. It’s a social media community and collaborative blog focused on living your life now. This week my guest piece, “Live a Better Life NOW,” published. Stop by to read it and check out the community.

Enjoy your day!

Related posts:

1. Naked Girl Wraps Up: Looking Forward This Week
2. Naked Girl Wraps Up with Work Stress and Motherhood
3. Naked Girl Wraps Up in Paint

I find it ironic in a week that I am working on a piece for my blog on hate (in any form), that I find myself as one of the many “start-ups” being slammed for trying to help PopChips go viral with a video advertisement. It is also frustrating to me that the firestorm is even brewing over the “dating site” video clip. I am sure my opinion will probably get me a lot of hate emails and comments below, but I have to comment.

The backstory on the campaign: An agency that represents me and a lot of single bloggers approached us about a viral video campaign. All we knew was that there would be an A-list star and the video would be for a product promotion. All details were kept quiet until the launch date. Yesterday we were sent the video with the expectation to write a quick, brief post and embed the video. That’s it.

It is a parody about the online dating world. It poked fun at the “great” catches that can be found on these sites. PopChips accurately portrayed what it is like perusing through online profiles. It made me think about what it was like reading first emails from these guys and meeting some men for the first and only time. Focusing on my dating experiences, it made me laugh.

The controversy with the campaign: One of the four characters Ashton Kutcher plays is Raj, an Indian Bollywood producer. For this character Ashton was made to look Indian, which included brown make up. He spoke with an accent too.

Unless I missed something, there was nothing that was said by the character Raj that was an ethnic slur or stereotype. As for the make up (one of the complaints), the Oscar award-winning make up artist who created all the looks, did a great job to help Ashton get into all his characters, including the biker tattoos he had as Swordfish.

Another complaint I continue to read is that people are angered Raj said he wants someone “Kardashian hot.” But each of the characters portrayed rattled off what they are looking for in a woman. Would it have been less offensive if Nigel said it? What about Darl?

Hopefully biker guys, Karl Lagerfeld’s family, and yogi-loving dudes don’t join in to say they were disparaged too. Maybe women should be offended because we were objectified in the video and men should feel put off because it is an unfair representation of their gender on dating sites. Or maybe all of us who have used a dating site should be upset because they are making fun of our method of meeting people to date. Let’s all find something wrong with the video because there is so much to over-analyze in this roughly 2 minute video clip.

What about Eddie Murphy, Wayans brothers and so many outrageous stand-ups? These comedians intentionally stereotype and cross lines for a laugh. If one is to become offended by comedians, their routines and race-changing make up techniques would be a much more egregious offense than Ahston Kutcher making this video.

This isn’t a defense, but rather me simply stating there can be a hypersensitivity to things that are not issues when there are more serious problems in society that need addressing. Hopefully this apology  from Keith Belling, the CEO of PopChips will let this die:

“Our team worked hard to create a light-hearted parody featuring a variety of characters that was meant to provide a few laughs. We did not intend to offend anyone,” he wrote. “I take full responsibility and apologize to anyone we offended.”

For the two readers I will have remaining after writing this post, I hope you will visit next week when I publish the piece on hate in which I  opine on the need for tolerance, education, and acceptance for all people–which now might need to include comedians.

Related posts:

1. A Naked Girl Exclusive (sort-of): Ashton Kutcher on a Dating Site

There are so many dating sites out there, but are any really cool, hip, and exciting? I can tell you: zero.

How great would it be if there was one with, say, Ashton Kutcher as a potential match? Now that would be a surprise!

There would still be all the crazies on the site, but that really adds to the entertainment value of dating online. At least it has kept me laughing through many bad dates (like the one with the drunk Mormon), which makes me enjoy this video from World Wide Lovers even more. It’s accurate in portraying the dating pool.

There are so many guys like Raj, Swordfish, Darl, and Nigel. It is what makes this dating video awesome. The only thing missing is some weird guy with a sexual fetish to round out the characters, which anyone who has spent time on a dating site has encountered.

So, how surprised would you be if your match search returned Ashton?

Do you think it could happen?

He is available now.

*Sponsored by PopChips.

Related posts:

1. Where Do I Take Naked Girl This Fall?
2. Exciting Changes to Naked Girl in the New Year
3. Darren Rowse Told Me To Start Naked Girl in a Dress and Other Crazy Admissions