One Day Late, but I Can Add “Happy” to Valentine’s Day Today

February 15, 2011

in Relationships

Happy Valentine's Day. One day late.

Clearly I was not in the best mood yesterday. If I tainted anyone’s Valentine’s Day experience with my negative rant, I apologize. And while I do still wonder about “forever,” I have a better perspective today.

My post yesterday reminded me again of how fortunate I am to have wonderful readers and friends. I received texts, emails, Facebook messages, and comments from many. It isn’t often that a reader visits my site to read anything less than a hope-filled message. As a result many of you were concerned something had happened in my life recently.

To assuage any worries, I am still dating and enjoying the experience. That has not changed. But even if dating had taken a turn, I would still be happy. Dating simply rounds out my life. I enjoy the companionship, the fun dates, the excitement that comes from new experiences and getting to know someone, but it isn’t a measure of my overall happiness.

Not only did I receive supportive comments from readers, but I also received good advice as well. Two comments that I appreciated most yesterday:

  • Sent by a male reader in a direct message: “The important thing is you can’t punish your new man for the sins of another man.”
  • A comment left by Classic NYer: “…but here’s a question: why does love have to be forever? Why can’t love just be now? Just a thought…”

These two comments resonate for me.

If I am to continue to date, I need, at some point, to drop the fears of what has happened in the past. It isn’t fair to a man I am dating, but it also affects my ability to truly enjoy this new person in my life.

Classic NYer reminded me that I should just enjoy today and let the future happen. I survived the end of a 20 year marriage, persevered through the tough times immediately following the split, and I am now thriving. Could anything really be more challenging than that experience? There isn’t anything to fear if I keep that in perspective.

The last time I wrote a piece with a similar tone, I followed it up with a post explaining that to be “naked” meant holding nothing back in my writing. In that follow-up post I promised to simply be me and not force happiness and sunshine when I was not feeling it. So today I write to you reminding you that being “naked” means being honest about the emotions felt and honoring it in the moment.

“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.”
~Mary Manin Morrissey

I had my moment yesterday.

I have no intention of blocking my dreams today.

As always, thanks for reading.


{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Random Girl February 15, 2011 at 12:32 pm

Glad your perspective is working on the positive side of things today girlie! I love that concept that being naked is really just being honest with what you are any given time, not covering it up or coating it in sunshine because it would be easier for people to deal with or meets better with what they expect you to be.
Having days filled with questions and doubt allow you to appreciate the days of certainty and confidence, it makes it that much sweeter to be in that place.
Love your truth!
Random Girl

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 15, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Thanks Random Girl. I always love your comments.

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pattypunker February 15, 2011 at 12:55 pm

lovin this new perspective on you! dream hard, girlfriend.
pattypunker recently posted..look ma- i won an award!My Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 15, 2011 at 1:09 pm

Patty,

These feelings come out, but not often. I am an eternally optimistic person, but I have bad days. I used to push the negative feelings aside, but I allow them to shine through now. It feels better to acknowledge that I am feeling hopeless, negative, or sad. I sit with it until it passes, but don’t rush it along. I feel better as a result.

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Grace February 15, 2011 at 2:42 pm

Boy, I’ve heard the one about not punishing a guy for the sins of my ex. It’s taken me a while, but I’m out of that mindset. And my aversion to dating actually has nothing to do with my ex. It’s from way back in my past as a preacher’s kid; dating was traumatic for so very many reasons. And from some recent really bad blind dates.
Grace recently posted..A Happy Wreck on Duval StreetMy Profile

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm

Grace,

You have so much to offer so take your time with dating. Don’t settle….that’s my mantra this time around too.

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Jen February 17, 2011 at 9:47 am

We all have those days. It’s tough not to no matter how positive we are trying to be. Accepting the emotions and being honest about them is the way to go.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 18, 2011 at 9:26 am

Jen,

Thank you. I am all about accepting those feelings as they come.

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Jana February 17, 2011 at 4:00 pm

I hope not to punish my new partners for the sins of my ex, but I also intend to be far more careful in future relationships. I will not select a partner that has his same flaws. I am so over that.

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Naked Girl in a Dress February 18, 2011 at 9:31 am

Jana,

I agree and what I am looking for is honed more with each dating experience. I just refine the list and move on.

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