It used to be a dirty word. No one would dare utter the “c word” around me for fear it would send me in a tailspin. There were reasons for my resistance to change though. I was faced with significant challenges in my marriage and the daily routine, keeping everything together that was within my control, was essential for my own well-being. I clung to routines and forced life to be predictable as a result. I know now that continuing in a broken marriage, struggling to manage the challenges that existed, was related to my fear of change too; anything was better than the unknown.
It has been over four years since my ex moved out. If I were to choose a theme, something to tie the last four years together, it would be this:
Change was thrust upon me the day the moving truck drove away. It was something I fought as hard as the inevitable depression that followed. Both were out of my control and I was resisting, but I needed to accept and acknowledge both were part of this process. Accepting change came slowly at first, but what I found with the changes I began to embrace in my life, I became a little more brave. The fear started to subside.
Looking at my life at this moment in time, I would describe one of the things that excites me most about my journey as this:
While I still slip into needing a routine and having a plan, I am much more loose about life. I will always have a plan, but it isn’t something I cling to daily. What I have found is that some of the greatest joy and opportunities for me in the last four years happened as a result of changes in my life. Allowing the universe to bring to me and being open and accepting has been more rewarding than I could imagine.
It’s no longer a bad word.
It’s something to celebrate.
This was inspired by this week’s writing prompt at Studio30 Plus. The prompt: changes.
For Song of the Week, how could I go with anything other than David Bowie’s song “Changes?” Enjoy!