The Boyfriend is struggling with something right now. The disappointment and sadness was apparent throughout our call last night. It was so difficult to be on the phone and hear the despondency in his voice knowing there was nothing I could do to take the unhappiness away.
Most people recognize they can’t fix the problem when someone is hurting. Not me though. I am used to being a fixer and have found myself in relationships with men who desperately need fixing (that is not a subjective statement). For me to recognize I can’t fix The Boyfriend’s problem is a big step, but an uncomfortable one.
What I am realizing is that I have to sit with the uneasy feeling and let him just be. He needs to feel this, working through the problem on his own. And he is quite capable of doing so without me rushing in with possible solutions.
I am slowly learning that regardless of my efforts to thwart it, this is what happens in life. People I love must fall down, skin their knees, be hurt by others, and more. I can only provide my love, a kind word, a hug, and, when asked for it, a little advice.
I also like Kat Edmonson’s problem-solving idea in the Song of the Week this week:
“Cast your troubles into the sky
They can be the stars in our eyes
We can count them another day
From far away…”
I am learning and growing in this relationship. Most of it is happening because I have a great partner and there is a mutual desire to be successful. As for having The Boyfriend in my life, Kat says it best: “Lucky, lucky me.”
Here’s Kat’s song “Lucky:”