Love and Hate

June 23, 2012

in Relationships, Song of the Week

Love and Hate

Someone I love is being bullied by a vapid man who perceives her to be an easy target for abuse. Men like him, who prey on women, are weak, cowardly, and sad. This one is no exception.

His abuse is calculated and sick. And baffling. Baffling because the relationship used to be based upon love. Now all that remains of their relationship is a constant barrage of hate-filled communication.

What I will never understand is how a loving relationship can turn into a vitriolic one.

How can love morph into hate?

How does this happen?

Falling out of love–okay, I can understand this concept.

But I cannot comprehend a hatred that seeps from ones pores and consumes every waking moment. A hate so strong it becomes a purpose in life. That is what is a mystery to me.

What this man doesn’t understand is that she is loved by many. Or, maybe he does know and it infuriates him that she has family and friends supporting her while he has no one. There is a long line forming behind me of people who are willing to stand as a human shield to protect her. We will ensure–whatever it takes–that the abuse stops. She will have peace in her life again.

To my lovely, beautiful, fun, loved one who is hurting, know these things:

We are all here for you.

We will make sure he doesn’t hurt you anymore.

We love you.

This week’s Song of the Week is for you. Here’s U2′s “Walk On”



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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

alfred lives here June 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

I love this post… I hope your friends reads it and reaches out.
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Thank you Brahm. The troops are rallying for her.

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Alycia June 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

Count one more in the line to protect this woman…this woman is so deserving of happiness, love and a gentle accepting touch.

I urge the woman in this oh-so-familiar story to walk away in faith that your friends are going to support you and not let you fall. As a survivor myself, I know that it is hard to let go of the faith that something might change/you might receive love again, but you must walk for your life. Take it back and let nobody take that from you. It’s yours and should not be destroyed.

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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The comments from strangers here can only strengthen her resolve to move forward and cut off the opportunities he has remaining to be abusive. Thank you for the support.

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Reptile Sadie June 23, 2012 at 10:58 am

I would have your friend be in touch with your local abuse shelter. This sounds abusive. She may need a plan b, they can help.

We will be praying for her.

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David June 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Is it possible for real love to morph into hatred? Actually, I don’t think so although perhaps in cases of mental illness or serious trauma it may be driven down deep inside a person and languish there. But whatever the motivations may be, there are zero exceptions for abuse and very often emotional and verbal abuse, once given a tolerable environment are the doorway to the first slap, punch or shove.

Your support and visibility are critical for several reasons. You may be literally saving her life by just showing up in it. Men like this are indeed cowards and as they fade from the circle of human personhood, they do not want to be seen by others behaving this way. They are not (yet) amoral and despise the light.

As RS suggests, you and your friends should form a Plan B – now – and be ready to roll with it on a moments notice. Do not allow him to break her down until she hides in his dark embrace. Be strong and well my friend. ~ BOOT
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Thank you for the supportive comment David.

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Louise Ducote June 23, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Sweet and powerful.
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Thank you Louise.

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Kristen June 23, 2012 at 6:19 pm

I am in line with you sister!

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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I know you are. Love you.

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Classic NYer June 25, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Men who abuse women should be subject to cruel and unusual torture. Seriously. I fucking HATE abusive men. Sick fucks…
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Agreed.

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Random Girl June 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

It just flips so quick, from loving and supportive to co-dependent and abusive. You usually see little glimpses of it coming but you ignore or justify until it’s too late. I’m lucky I had good friends, like you are being to your friend, that held up the mirror to me and showed my the truth and held me accountable for deserving better and making the hard choice to leave. Be there for her and make her see the reality. That’s the best friend you can be.
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Thank you RG. I am so happy you are in a good place in life now and I wish this for my friend as well.

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Kendra June 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

I’m stopping by your blog by way of Twitter and was intrigued by the heading of this blog post. Bullies, of any sex, are cowards and your friend is very fortunate to have someone like you in her corner. I hope she finds the strength that she needs to escape the abuse.

Add me to the list of those lending my support. #strengthinnumbers
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Kendra,
Thanks for visiting from Twitter and for your support. She is loved by many and I hope she reads all the comments here too. Strength in numbers, right?

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