Why I’m Going Commando

August 30, 2012

in Guests, Life Lessons

Guest Writer

Everyone understands divorce is a life-changing event. Some of us also believe there is an awakening that occurs, bringing with it an opportunity for endless possibilities. Jeanie Rule of SoloMama agrees with the more positive outlook on divorce, which is what brings me to her Facebook page and blog often; she simply inspires me. I believe, regardless of your life situation, she will inspire you, too. Please visit Jeanie after reading this thoughtful post on vulnerability.

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There are about five hundred other topics I could have shared today but I’m sitting here, commando-style, and I think we should talk about that. My life is a bit of a challenge at the moment, which makes me feel quite vulnerable. There is nothing truly catastrophic about what I’m facing, but I have been challenged to look at some hard realities in my life. It’s not comfortable. I don’t really like it. It makes me want to run and hide and pretend that nothing bad is going on because… I don’t want to fess up to feeling vulnerable. So I’ve decided to go commando (emotionally speaking) and embrace my vulnerability. I no longer want it to consume me. I have better things to do with my time. Much like going commando (the fine art of going panty-less under your clothes), admitting my vulnerability – showing my soft underbelly – is scary and liberating and healing, all at the same time. These last few days of going commando have been quite a ride, but I’m grateful for the life lessons I’ve learned by having the courage to admit things aren’t so perfect right now. To date I’ve learned….

  • Being comfortable with your vulnerability is powerful. Pretending that everything is ok when it’s not ok, gives away your power. When you are willing to ‘go commando’ – and not hide your ‘scary basement’ – you will seize the power you need to turn your life around.
  • Be smart about sharing your vulnerability. Before you go hightailing out there in the big world getting all vulnerable with people, think about who you want to be truly open with. There are people out there who will take advantage, and those who want to see you fail. Don’t make it easy for them. Set good boundaries and you’ll set the stage for your success.
  • Being vulnerable is mind-numbingly sexy, if you own it. Being vulnerable and constantly needing to be rescued is not so sexy. Step up to the plate and own where you are in your life.
  • When you’re going commando, you’re much more likely to say ‘yes’. Part of growing and healing after divorce is about saying ‘yes’ to the people and opportunities that you might have otherwise backed away from. Going commando gives you the boost you need to say a good and strong and wise ‘Yes!’ to the risks that will expand your life.
  • It is in your vulnerabilities that you stretch and reach to your most creative self, and all divorced moms, especially, need a strong creative self simply for survival. It’s your creative juices that help you find ways to put food on the table, take care of the kids, pay the bills and find the perfect solutions to your toughest challenges. Your creativity is essential.
  • Embracing your vulnerability allows you to let go of the reigns and enjoy the moment. Life is really just a string of beautiful moments. You don’t want to miss out.
  • Admitting your vulnerability frees up your focus and energy. You can get a lot more done when you aren’t so busy pretending everything is ok.
  • Vulnerability deepens your connections to other people and the world around you. When you are able to own your vulnerability and share it wisely with others, you are giving them a chance to help you out, and you are giving yourself the gift of receiving and connection.
  • Your self-love, appreciation and self-respect will expand ten-fold. Maybe more. Learning to love and accept yourself in spite of your biggest ‘failings’ is golden.
  • You’ll sleep better, laugh more and feel a whole lot more peace. Enough said.

Facing challenges and adversity is a huge part of living divorced, and for most of us throwing on our proverbial super-power cape and ‘just dealing with it’, becomes a way of life. However, when we find the courage to strip away our façade and go commando, that’s when we find our true selves and our true power and our true tribe. It doesn’t get much better than that.


{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Jennifer Duchene August 30, 2012 at 2:53 pm

It takes courage to go commando. And I see that you have that. I applaud your “stripping down” in the end that is all we have. Ourself and our vulnerability. I am a divorced mom and a women who guides other women to bare it all by finding their power in polite. I have seen what happens when we set boundaries, create our own “Le Chic Cocoon” and open up to the juiciness that life holds beyond the valley of fears. It is beautiful, and so are you.

Joie de Vivre,
Jennifer Duchene
The Polite Woman’s Guide to getting what you want.
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Lisa Thomson August 30, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Great idea, going emotionally commando! I’ve been there too and made the mistake of pretending I’m okay when I wasn’t. Still learning. Your post is inspiring.
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Naked Girl in a Dress September 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

It inspired me as well, Lisa.

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Brianna Sue August 30, 2012 at 11:38 pm

The good thing is people will see you happy and the opposite is inside you will feel suffocated!
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Lisa Arends September 2, 2012 at 5:55 am

I know found the balance between strength (my comfort zone) and softness during my divorce. I realized that softness does not undermine strength, rather it supports it. There is a beautiful freedom that comes from willing to be vulnerable and a fearlessness that comes from knowing you can make it. Bravo to you for reaching that place:)
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@bluenotebacker September 5, 2012 at 10:36 am

Thank you for sharing this. I always feel inspired by these kinds of reminders. As a divorced dad I absolutely feel the empowerment in being able to finally embrace the insecurities and vulnerabilities I developed as a result of my divorce. I discovered strengths I didn’t know I had and I realized exactly what it was I DID want in my life by letting go.
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Naked Girl in a Dress September 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

I feel the same way about my divorce; I found my strength, and happiness along the way.

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Corey Feldman September 5, 2012 at 11:29 am

I hope this provides you the balance you need to heal and grow.
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Brook L. Dame September 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm

“Admitting your vulnerability frees up your focus and energy. You can get a lot more done when you aren’t so busy pretending everything is ok.”

BEST. STATEMENT. EVER.
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Naked Girl in a Dress September 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm

That resonated for me too, Brook.

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