Love in a Long Distance Relationship

October 4, 2012

in Guests, Relationships

BlueNoteBacker Blog

Sean Jeffries is a single dad, self-proclaimed computer geek, and writer. He is fairly new to blogging, but don’t take that as a novice writer; he is incredibly talented. Each day you visit Bluenotebacker’s Bytes will guarantee a great read–regardless of the topic. A big fan of writing prompts, Sean often posts fictional pieces, but weaves in personal stories as well. He is a friendly, warm, genuine person, which shines through in his writing. I am happy to call him my friend.

After reading Sean’s honest piece about his relationship below, please visit his site, follow him on Twitter, and, of course, Studio30 Plus.

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As I mentioned to Kelly last week, I’ve had the pleasure and privilege over the last year to discover the heart of a woman, and it has happened without either of us occupying the same room for even a minute. We’re not even in the same city or state, though we’re both *from* the same hometown. Fact of the matter is we have been living 900 miles apart during this discovery, and while the whole thing was quite unexpected and perhaps a bit out of character, I believe it’s been a blessing in disguise.

I’m a divorced dad, and while I experienced a fair number of romantic relationships before my marriage, which lasted 6 years, as well as one after my divorce, none of them have been with the right person. How do I know this? Well, mostly it’s because I’m not with any of those women anymore, but partly because I’ve found one now (through that discovery of the heart Kelly talked about in her recent post over at the Jungle of Life) whom I feel *is* the right one.

Finding and connecting with someone over such a long distance is, as I said, not something I ever expected to happen to me. I’ve known people in my life who have experienced such a thing, but I’ve been skeptical. How could you know how you felt about someone never seeing them face to face, never spending time in their physical presence? I discovered that, when you find the right person it really just doesn’t matter where you are or where they are. If they’re right for you you’ll know.

I believe Faith had a hand in bringing me together with the heart I’ve discovered. I previously spent time lamenting that one I thought was right for me wasn’t interested in me. I was able to get over that and finally feel like I could live with myself, be alone, and not feel like I *must* be with someone, anyone, and I think that’s something we HAVE to be able to do if we ever hope to share ourselves with another. I made it to that place and then reached the point, being happy with myself, that I did like the idea of having someone to share my happiness with.

I’m not afraid to admit that I prayed about finding someone finding the *right* someone. I tried other, more conventional methods such as trying to meet someone through friends and even taking a chance on a well-advertised dating website where more than one friend had found Love. I met someone nice but she wasn’t the right one. I truly believe I was led to the path where I discovered the woman I’m now in a relationship with, and that it wasn’t *despite* all the other failed attempts at relationships but rather, *because* of them.

I believe we are the sum of our experiences in life, with Faith and Love and Family and other stuff as the glue holding us together. I believe all the hardship we endure, even the good times that are now memories, build and shape us into the person we are today. As I write this, as you read it. Right this moment, we are who we are, and we’ll continue to grow and experience life, both the good and bad.

I believe there *is* one right person for each of us. Some of us encounter more of the wrong ones than others along our paths, some find them on the first try. I think I found mine 900 miles away, but she’s coming home soon, back to our hometown, and I’m so excited. That said, let me leave you with the question I’ve been thinking about since I started writing this piece:

What do you think about long distance relationships?


{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Momma Sunshine October 4, 2012 at 12:38 pm

My man and I spent almost four years in a long distance relationship. Me a single mom, he a single dad. We met online via a mutual acquaintance. We lived a 3 hour car drive away from one another and saw each other every other weekend, and the occasional week-long vacation once or twice a year.

It was very, very difficult. One of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done.

But. This particular relationship was worth every single lonely night spent alone. Every time we couldn’t be there for the other during a tough time. Every missed holiday. Every missed smile. Everything. Not all relationships ARE worth it, and not all relationships will make it through such a challenge.

If you feel that what you have with this person is worth it, then long distance relationships can be extremely rewarding. There are definite perks to them that are different from other more conventional relationships.

For me, while I loved my guy dearly and believed that he was “The One” for me, I was still very fresh out of my failed marriage. I needed time to be alone and independent for a while before I could truly be ready to be in a full-time, committed relationship. Being long-distance with him allowed me the best of both worlds — the love of my life as well as the space to foster my much-needed independence and sense of self.

Our long distance relationship concluded a month ago, when he decided to move to my city to be with me and my two girls. He’s a long-distance dad now, which was a difficult and painful decision for him to make, but the good news is that he learned a lot of skills over the past four years to make it a whole lot easier.

So…that’s my opinion in a nutshell. A little long-winded I suppose, but naturally it’s a topic that hits extremely close to home and that I feel particularly passionate about. ;-)

Good luck to you with your relationship. I firmly believe that if you and your lovely lady are willing to put in the work, then you will both continue to benefit from this relationship. :-)
Momma Sunshine recently posted..The Little Voice InsideMy Profile

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Lisa Howard October 4, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Ahhh…long distance relationships. Been there. Done that. And would do it again. Being from a small town that is highly touted as being one of the best places to live in the US, one would never consider it could also hold the title of 8th worst cities for singles (Kiplinger Feb 2012). Being that I’ve worn the title of single chick for almost 8 years, I have done some time peddling myself (sounds rather mysterious if not down right wrong???) on a few online dating sites. I cast my net beyond the boundaries of my hometown for the above mentioned reasons and found myself in a 3 year long distance relationship. We were even engaged and I was planning to move to Atlanta. But after much prayer and a bucket load of heartache, I realized it wasn’t God’s plan. Since then, I have also attempted a love connection with a man who lives 800 miles away in Houston, TX. While neither relationship has stood the test of time, the connections were deep enough for me to understand how you truly can find “the” one in spite of geographical challenges. I applaud you for taking the chance and being open to what may not seem a conventional relationship to most. Congratulations!!!

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kath galasso October 5, 2012 at 7:14 am

Well, now the mixed tape thing comes better into focus. Love it Sean, deep breaths and one step at a time…then jump.

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Charlotte October 5, 2012 at 9:30 am

I think it’s a beautiful thing what you have developed with this woman, personally. Though I imagine it’s difficult being separated for so long, the reunion will be a wonderful day :)

I think having a relationship such as the one you described allows the couple to focus on establishing a friendship first. Trust, open communication, and honesty all come into play here, which are the cornerstones to a healthy relationship. I wish you the best of luck with it, Sean, and am excited to hear about your encounter!
Charlotte recently posted..7 sure-fire ways to get over a relationshipMy Profile

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