Standing in the newly-painted master bedroom, the possibilities feel endless. All the nail holes were covered when the artwork was removed. Electrical plates and light switch covers were taken off and thrown away. The ceiling light cap was painted under, knowing a new light would be illuminating the room soon. The master bedroom is now a blank, grey canvas awaiting adornment.
In almost ten years of living here, it’s the only room in the house that had not been repainted. It was a neglected room for a couple in a failing marriage. Now, five years after our split, I am building a life with my future husband. Together we chose the new bedding and wall color. We have discussed new lighting, window treatments, and ideas for other decorative items. I have a happy, healthy relationship with a partner actively involved in all aspects of our life together–even the detailed discussions about window treatment.
With this fresh coat of paint, I feel like a fresh start is taking place. I have a new canvas from which to paint, and someone by my side actively participating with me. With each color or fabric choice, the old life is being covered up by the new. I know it will always be below the surface, but as time passes and more life experiences are shared with Sean, it seems to fade.
Painting over the canvas and starting anew, it’s with great joy and a twinge of sadness. Good and bad, the past defined me. For that reason I hope to never let go, lest I lose a bit of myself and who I have become through those experiences.
But looking at the blank canvas, the possibilities of who I could become are endless.
And so I begin anew.