With this blog I have tried so hard to be happy. There has been a valiant attempt to focus on embracing the good that has come from the break up of my marriage. I share lists of blessings I feel grateful to have in my life as a result of this upcoming divorce. I try to make you laugh with my humor. Recently I shared my fears, but also how I overcame it and am fine now. I have shown you anger, but it was just a fleeting moment in this blog.
What I had not done until last Friday was to get naked for you. I was still holding on to that perfection I had mastered in my marriage. Everything is fine because if I stop and think otherwise, all the balls in the air will come crashing down around me. I had to keep everything moving forward. There was no time for reflection to assess my heart, my feelings, my happiness, or even my health. Just keep moving forward. That was the mantra in my marriage.
The new mantra, which is the basis for this blog, is to be a “naked girl in a dress.”
Free
Happy
Unihibited
But that does not mean to be perpetually happy. Denying the feeling of pain, which I did in my marriage, will not lead to being that naked girl. It is about allowing myself to feel, to be gentle with myself, and to find peace. It is about being present in the moment.
I failed. At least until last Friday. Last week I let you see me stripped down and in a puddle of tears. I bared my soul and allowed you to witness my pain. I was feeling hopeless.
One week later I do feel better and I feel hopeful. The difference is that I am ready to feel hopeless again. I am prepared to accept whatever emotion comes my way and just embrace it.
Last Friday and over the weekend I also discovered something wonderful about blogging: the support of readers. There has been an outpouring of support on my blog, Twitter, and Facebook. Friends who follow my blog emailed, called, and sent text messages. There will be times I feel hopeless about the divorce or something else in life, but I know I never stand alone.
One reader, Lucille in the Sky, wrote:
“What a sweet video. I assure you that true love does exist, and you will find it. As long as you don’t give up hope. It’s hard to make it though the sad days. You just want to crawl back into bed, and usually life has other plans. You wish you could hit the fast forward button, and you can’t. All you can do is accept your feelings, feel your feelings, and wait for better times. Good luck. Great blog.”
My dear friend Clyde sent me a note this week:
“…my support is not just for your blog, it is for your life. I am rooting for you as you step forward and fall back. The way you have opened yourself up is an inspiration. I totally get it–that it’s the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s what makes a difference…”
Thank you to everyone who reached out to me. Thank you for your support.
Next week I will be blogging Monday through Friday. It is a special five-part series. I hope you will visit me. I can’t promise you I will be happy and filled with sunshine.
What I can promise you is that I will be naked.
I will be me.
The Song of the Week — Glitter in the Air really resonates for me this week. This line in particular:
“Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, “I just don’t care.”
Happy Friday!
Comments
28 responses to “Hope Part 2: Reflections one week later”
I love that Pink song.
This is one of the reasons I love blogging so much. But just as with any relationship, you have to build trust in order to allow your own vulnerability. Then in exposing that vulnerability, you’ll find wonderful support!
Have a great weekend.
Oh, Kelly! I am touched that my words brought you a little bit of peace. Life is hard, but sunshine and roses and support make the journey a little sweeter. Looking forward to the 5 part series. Hope your weekend is full of love and relaxation.
Glitter…perfect!
PS – Love the pic :)
Oh how that song gets me every time. Especially that line.
I’m so happy for you for the outpouring of love. Crazy wonderful how this little bloggy world works.
Looking forward to next week.
Can’t wait to see what you have in store for next week!
http://www.pampersandpinot.com
I hadn’t seen that video before. What an amazing performance! And what a great song.
I am glad you found support. I am glad you are feeling better.
Be who you are and we will love you for it. No masks needed here.
Robin~
What a nice comment. Thank you!
I really admire what you’re doing with this blog. It’s so hard to be honest with who you are, to put it all out there, warts and all. It’s terrifying. Good for you for being so fearless.
I love how open and honest you are here. We are here ot support you in your time of need – you only need to ask. Stay strong and I’m thinking good thought for you!
This was so wonderful. What you can do with words moves me to tears.
Beyond anything I can say to you, but I feel so blessed to be here today.
You are powerful.
Wonderful to know you.
Here through RDC.
Alexandra,
Thank you for such a nice comment. It is hard to exposure yourself to the world by sharing your writing and your feelings on a blog (as you know), so it is encouraging to know it is well-received.
I am so glad we found each other through RDC.
The support I have received via my bloggy and internet friends has been amazing. I’m glad you felt some of that love when you needed it most.
Cheryl,
At this time in my life, support is much appreciated. It was so unexpected for me to receive the support through my blog, but so happy to have it.
So glad you are finding support from so many places. We all need it from time to time. Someone to lean on and share our sorrows just as much as our joys.
Thanks for stopping by and linking up at Relax n Surf Sunday!
I’m following you.
Colleen
http://www.shibleysmiles.com
Thanks Colleen. I am glad I stumbled upon your Relax and Surf Sunday link-up.
Just yesterday, I read something in Deepak Chopra’s Power, Freedom, and Grace that made a lot of sense to me: “To find happiness is to find your soul. To find your soul is to live from the source of lasting happiness. This is not happiness for this or that reason, which is just another form of misery. This happiness is true bliss, and it follows you wherever you go.” I swear the greatest thing that ever happened to me what my husband leaving me for a shot girl he met in a strip club because it forced me to drop the pretense of perfection and to finally give up the misery. My dear, you are on the path to true and lasting happiness. It’s coming!
Grace~
You are a wise woman and I love that I found you in the bloggy world. Each time you reach out to me, you seem to help guide me on this journey.
Thank you for that gift.
What a lovely post to share over at TRDC.
Bravery and truth and fear and and joy and silliness… it’s what makes the blogging world such a very rich community.
I’m so glad for you that you’re finding it a welcoming world!
Thank you CDG. It is hard to put everything out there for the readers but, over time, I am finding it possible. I feel so much better “naked” for the readers.
I don’t think that any of us can be truly happy if we don’t allow ourselves to also feel other emotions, whether it be sadness, anger, or even rage. The fact that you can find the hope in difficult situations is just as naked as showing us when you feel hopeless. Keep the naked coming, in whatever variety you feel like that day!
Thanks Michele!
Wow! You are an incredible and very brave woman! I am humbled becoz I generally moan about a whole load of nothing! Keep writing and sharing, you’re healing more than just you… :-)
I have found that keeping our blogs authentic to who we really are is truly one of the greatest challenges for me. I applaud and appreciate your willingness to do so.
I’m deeply sorry to hear of the difficult challenges and pain that you are facing. May peace be with you!
Thank you Rebekah. There is much comfort from the readers, which was an unexpected gift I realized when I blogged about a low point in my life. I am fortunate to have such great readers following and cheering me on.
I’m so sorry about the heartbreak you’re carrying. I’m glad that you’ve found some hope, especially in sharing here. I too have found similar support in my own heartbreak – the loss of my daughter two years ago. This online community is amazing.
Joy~
I am so sorry to hear you lost your daughter. The online community is truly a gift when struggling with a loss. I am happy you have the support.
You know what? I have been reading all these Mommy blogs, and yours is the first blog I’ve come across that mentions divorce. I am sorry for this loss in your life, but thanks for keeping things real in the blogsphere!
Thank you Grimmgirl. It is unfortunately my life right now so it would be hard to ignore the divorce issues in my writing. Thank you for visiting.