In the last two weeks I have been able to arrange special “mom dates” with each child. Recently Princess Daisy and I went out to lunch and to shop for spring clothes. This weekend Monkey and I are planning to build Legos, work on an art project, and have dinner out.
Having special one-on-one time with each of my children is important to me. I experience them differently without their sibling present. Each will open up more freely; is more focused on our conversations; and feels more special having alone time with me.
When I first separated I would pull them individually from school one day every other month during lunch and recess to have a special lunch out with me. This was an important time for us to connect and discuss feelings about the change in our family. Now I take whatever opportunity I have to spend alone time with each of them. Sometimes I am able to accomplish this when one child is attending a birthday party or sleep-over. But I also coordinate with my ex so that we each have one child, which allows the kids individual attention from their dad as well.
Our special “mom dates” don’t happen as often as I would like, but I am doing my best to take advantage of the times we do have.
Do you coordinate individual time with each child?
If so, what has been successful for you?
Since this is Monkey’s special weekend, I let him choose the Song of the Week. I guess, with his song choice, that he is ready to party with Mom. Here is Taio Cruz with Dynamite:
Happy Friday!
That awesome that you do that.
I sent my daughter to her friends beach house with her friends family for the weekend so I could have father/son time. We are going to a baseball game. I try to balance time with each kid but sometimes it is really hard to do.
It can be difficult, but even getting an hour or two alone with one of my kids is special. I try to make the most of it when I have the opportunity.
Thanks for visiting Justin!
Negotiating “special alone time” with each of your kids can be challenging. Even just fifteen minutes is special and creates special memories. Thanks for opening up this important conversation.
Thank you Dr. Leah. That is a good perspective~that even a small amount of time can be a special memory for a child.
This is amazingly insightful. Being a long distance daddy, I get little time with them as it is, but it is essential to make sure to help their individuality grow. Not only am I going to make every minute count with my boys, as I already do, but I’m also going to make sure to spend time with each of them on an individual level, to help strengthen their bonds with me and their own self-worth.
Bravo. A+ post.
Thank you! A friend of mine is a single dad with three children and he makes the same effort. We were just talking about this individual time last week and he said he is starting to see his relationship with each child take shape differently as a result. I hope you see the same result!
It sounds like you are a wonderful father.
My sons are 26 and 21 and each of them can recall and recount days that belonged to them alone. While we all enjoyed being together, it was always special to have that one on one which you, of course, know.
One specific thing I did was that as we neared the end of the school year, each boy got a separate “mental health” day off where he could choose all of our activities. with one, it was mini golf, bowling and a favorite local burger joint. The other always chose a movie and pizza. We all looked so forward to those days and they are special memories for the boys. It was extr special because their friends were all in school.
I really enjoy yoyur blog!
Susan,
It is so nice to hear from someone who did this, but now has grown children. I have not received a comment yet from this perspective. Your sons’ experiences, and feelings as adults about the special times, is reassuring to me that this is building special memories for my children.
Thank you for your comment!
Give that “day -off” a try. I guarantee special memories.
Also, I re-read my comment andthere are so many typos that I appear to be drunk. Not so…just careless.
Also, wondering why CommentLuv doesn’t pick up my recent blog post titles (is it becasue they know I have dissed them in print, perhaps?)…..
Susan,
I do love the idea and will try the “day off” idea. My kids would really love that.
There might be a problem with your CommentLuv account. I am going to email you directly directions to reset it. I have had to do that before.
First, I’d like to apologize. I have stopped by your blog before, but didn’t take enough time to really peruse. That will be corrected in short time.
Second, you have a very nice blog, and I am impressed that you pulled off a three column without the cluttered look. Bravo!
As for this post, the ‘dates’ are awesome. We try to do the same with our kids, and they do indeed love the on-on-one attention. I’ll admit, they have, from time to time, gotten ‘sick’ mid-day (of course, the only cure was shopping, lol!) It’s a great bonding experience.
Talk to you soon! 🙂
Brandon,
Thanks for stopping by and for the comment. I continue to hear through readers how important the individual attention with just one child is in their families as well.