Just as I have each morning for the last 29 months, today I woke up married, but estranged from my husband. My divorce hearing was today so tomorrow I will wake up single for the first time in almost 21 years.
This 29 month journey has felt hopeless, frustrating, overwhelming, and impossible at times. I have been angered and saddened during the separation. I also felt as if I would never be able to move forward with my life.
But also during these 29 months I have learned a lot about me: that I am stronger than I thought and that I could feel more alive than I believed was possible. During this time I have breathed deeper, felt more relaxed, and have become a better mom. I have also laughed more and am happier.
This time was needed for grieving, but also for discovery. It was a necessary step towards being single again.
But I didn’t arrive at this single status alone. I had the love and support of family and friends the entire time. Friends, old and new, were in contact with me the last few days. I received a flurry of texts today from people who care. There was a beautiful note left by a special friend on my car windshield this morning. I had a lunch date with a friend following the hearing. My boyfriend sent a hilarious text and shared a joke with me to brighten my day. And tomorrow I have a ladies night with a few friends–not to celebrate, but simply to connect and decompress.
Something unexpected happened the last 13 months of separation too. I started a blog and my readers became a part of my life. Some of you have been reading from my first post, often leave comments, and yet we have never met. You simply know me as the Naked Girl, but take time to reach out with kind and supportive words.
As I move forward with my new life tomorrow, continuing on this journey, I recognize something important:
I am blessed by the love and support of friends, family, and readers.
Thank you for that gift.
Wow. You are at a good place. Congrats. It took 3 years from filing for divorce to the final decree. Now, four months after divorce is final my Ex is getting married. Funny how things happen. Kudos to you. Your attitude in infinitely healthier than mine. I’ve got a depression issue. Anyway, kudos to you!!!!!!!
Hugs and good thoughts to you, my dear. I’ve been through one many moons ago and while never easy, it does reveal the inner strength one has. Ultimately, it’s a journey that provides you with a gift of learning how awesome you truly are. (Learned that from the “Bobblehead Dad” author Jim Higley I just met at BEA last week).
You and I are strangers passing each other on this great big old Internet, so I don’t have the exact and perfect set of words for you on this occasion, but I will say this: family, friends and a boyfriend? No matter the heartache, you are so fortunate to be surrounded by good people. I’m weepy as I write this to wish you well in your healing.
I remember my divorce day. Even though I’d had 15 months to prepare for it, it was still crushingly difficult. You are a strong woman, a brave woman, and I am grateful to have “met” you through our blogs. The next chapter is going to be a great one, I can feel it. 🙂
Wow what a milestone and a true reflection of what you envison life to be.I admire your strength and perserverence. I still read your words with hope and vison that things will get better and you are a living example of that. Today I woke up in a funk..but reading this has allowed me to know that there is hope…
Congrats on the first step to a NEW Life.
Each step takes you further from the pain and closer to what’s next, it was just another step towards greater happiness for you darling! It is important to have it “officially” done even if you have been emotionally and physically removed for some time. Good for you girlie, good for you!
Thank you for this post. I went through a divorce a few years ago, and it was a nightmare. I wrote a few posts about it. It is difficult for friends to know how to support you, especially if they’ve never been through it. They can’t understand the courage it takes to walk away from something safe and familiar, even though it’s bad for you. I admire your strength and courage. It’s only going to get better from here.
Thank you Melissa. I do hope it continues to get better for me in my life. that would be a very good thing.
I was reminded of your blog this week on twitter, and honestly, I don’t think I’d visited in a really long time before that. Shame. I have sort of missed this journey, and I feel kind of like an ass.
And honestly, I can’t relate to what it’s like to go through a divorce, but I can relate to what it’s like to feel hopeless at the beginning of a journey and feel stronger and more self aware by the end. I hope for you that things continue to get better and better and you feel even more confident every day. I am sure this whole experience has taken it’s toll, but cheers to you for making it. Really pretty awesome.
Thank you Jen. It feels really good to have navigated my way through the separation and divorce process. There were times that I did feel hopeless and unsure I would be okay, but time and support from friends helped me find my way.
It feels good to finally be finished. To be single and free to pursue what I want in life. And to know my kids made it through this and are thriving has been the greatest gift as it was my biggest worry going into the separation.
I’m glad to hear you’re taking a really hard day with dignity. I’m also excited to give you my best wishes on your new beginning. Sometimes it’s hard and lonely being single, but there’s something beautiful about deciding how and what you want to do–for you. I think the best is yet to come!
Thank you for the well wishes! I woke up Thursday and felt lighter and more at peace. What a difference a 15 minute hearing could make for me.
I am excited to see where life takes me. It has been an adventure so far.
I’ve been there too. And it really was a tremendous lesson in how endings really are almost always beginnings as well. Ever since the divorce, my perspective on “endings” has really changed. I realize that every situation brings with it opportunities, many that we can’t possibly foresee. While grieving is important, it’s equally important to remind yourself that it is a phase — one that has to be gone through, because that’s the nature of being human, but also that it will eventually pass and you’ll move on to something new and hopefully awesome. Sorry it’s been a rough time, but i’m going to congratulate you on coming out of this with hard-earned self-awareness, and also congratulate you on the many as-yet unseen and amazing things that will be coming your way. Enjoy the adventure 🙂
“I’m going to congratulate you on coming out of this with hard-earned self-awareness, and also congratulate you on the many as-yet unseen and amazing things that will be coming your way.”
Thank you for this wonderful sentiment. What a wonderful thing.
While it was a difficult struggle at times, I am happy to have gone through it. I appreciate and am more grateful for the happiness in my life now as a result of the difficulty I faced.
I started blogging 4 years ago yesterday 🙂 i was literally at my wit’s end. I am still overwhelmed at the support I got from blogging my life. I don’t know what I was after when I started blogging my life…except I needed someplace to dump my pain and not have to keep explaining my feelings. Lovebabz: A Life In Transition was born. Eat Drink Divorce came much later and captured my post divorce feelings. it has been healing and enriching.
Believe me, you are creating what you need…a healing supportive community. Keep blogging.
Lovebabz,
Congratulations on the longtime blogging career; 4 years is amazing! I think of blogging years like dog years.
This blog has been wonderful to have the last year of the divorce process. I have met wonderful people, been encouraged by comments left, strengthened my writing skills, and more. I simply love it.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
It comes from a bad song, but it’s true.
Keep your head up.
Thank you Libby. I have come to realize that the ending has led to some really wonderful beginnings. I embrace that thought.
Sounds like you have reached a good place and have a wonderful support system. Stopping by from Write on Edge
Thanks for visiting Julia! This post was written almost a year ago. It feels so good to think of all that I have accomplished in my life since this day. I continue to move forward in a positive way.
When one door closes…. 🙂
It’s really great that you have linked back to this post and that I was able to go back to see how you were feeling at an especially fragile part of your life. You have come a long way, Kelly, and should feel so incredibly proud–not only because you got out of a situation that left you wanting more but because you found your happy ending with someone else 🙂
Bravo.
Thank you Charlotte! I did find my happy, and it was hard won these last 5 or so years, but it finally came my way.
This post evokes memories of my own D-day. It captures the strange mixture of emotions that surround the finalizing of a long breakup. Every divorce is different, of course, but you did a great job of describing something that can be extremely difficult to describe.
Thanks Joe. There are so many emotions swirling with the end of a marriage. I learned a lot about myself and life through the process, and am happy to have put that behind me.