Doubt
It creeps in and takes hold.
Doubt affects our ability to succeed.
It can cloud our decisions.
If left unchecked, doubt can lead to panic, anxiety, or paralysis.
Lately, I have been battling this debilitating feeling.
Monday I start the final eight-week session for photography school. The class I am most worried about: Portfolio. This class is a culmination of everything I have learned and shot while in school. It’s not about cramming for an exam on Kelvin temperatures or learning a lighting technique. Portfolio is about taking no more than 12 images, binding them in a portfolio, and declaring the images are the best representation of my body of work. But I don’t feel ready to be thrust into the photography world, portfolio in hand. I would much prefer the safety of the educational environment for several more years. There is still so much to learn; I would have more time to shoot; and it doesn’t involve taking a big risk after graduation.
Doubt has been creeping in, taking up more space with each passing day. It has affected even my ability to pick up my camera. While I should be focused on shooting during the two week break, I have been paralyzed by this feeling of doubt. With class starting days from now, I have not shot any new images during the break and I am frustrated as a result.
A few days ago I realized I had to battle this feeling and focus on being positive. I need to prepare for a tough eight weeks of intensive shooting and weekly evaluation of my work. If I start this session battling doubt, it will affect everything I do.
As I was mentally trying to talk myself out of this negative place, I remembered a wonderfully inspirational quote by Audrey Hepburn. I stopped what I was doing to re-read the following:
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”
~Audrey Hepburn
The quote is light and whimsical, filled with a happy, positive message. It was exactly what I needed to read to help eliminate doubt as I prepare for school on Monday.
It might take a miracle to put together a portfolio I am proud of by August 22nd. With the kids home for the summer, travel plans, work commitments, time with friends, writing commitments, and a household to maintain, I am not sure I can accomplish this feat without one.
But, like Audrey, I too believe in pink.
Scary, isn’t it, almost being done and believing that you still aren’t ready? Just like in any school, you don’t come out as a professional. That takes experience and finding what you are best at. Honing. Perfecting. Streamlining… experience.
You’ll be fine. You are likely much better than you believe yourself to be, simply because you know there is more to learn. It happens when you scratch the surface and see what is below.
Best of luck!
Thank you Brandon for your encouragement, online friendship, and great writing inspiration.
Hopefully I will survive the next eight weeks and come out ready for the world. Or, at least trying to find my way.
Hell yeah, I struggle with doubt!
Had a bunch of other very insightful things to say but I had trouble putting the words in the order they should go.
For now, I’m just going to say this: Just because you have doubt doesn’t mean you have a reason to doubt. The fear and doubt aren’t an indicator of your ability to get the job done. Bind those suckers, own your work and move onto your new work. [That is so much easier to write then actually do!]
Good luck, mama!
Thank you! I do need to move forward and just get this done. Great encouragement and I appreciate it.
You believe in pink, and I believe you can.
Thank you!
can I “Borrow” that quote….cause I love it.
and I love you and I know that your portforlio is going to be lovely and wonderful…I KNOW it and in your heart you need to KNOW it too.
I believe this year of your life is the beginning of glorious things. GO be all of them xo
You are so sweet. Yes, grab the quote and use it as you like. Just promise to let me know when you use it so I can visit and read your take on Audrey’s greatness.
Thank you for your positive, warm thoughts. I truly appreciate it.
xoxo back to you!
I don’t think I believe in pink but we live parallell lives.
I just finished a huge project at work and I’m about to start a bigger one next week. I am learning guitar. I’m writing a book and a short story. The kids are out of school and want to hang with daddy (except for the teenager who doesnt want to acknowledge me), and my wife digs me. I also have to find time to run & workout. and, we just got 2 kittens.
thank goodness my anxiety meds are working
I am so relieved (and not surprised) that you don’t believe in pink!
Here’s to hoping we can both live a happy, well-balanced summer.
Thanks Lance.
Too true. Doubt can be debilitating at times. I know. I’ve been there. Still visit from time to time. Almost always I realize, after I’ve done what I’ve been putting off for so long, that it wasn’t as bad as I imagined it would be.
You’ll be fine. Believe in yourself (And in pink).
Thank you Vinny, for the words of encouragement.
I remember being terrified on my first day of school. Doubtful every time I submitted something for a publication. Terrorized by things like final papers and performances, but I think like me, you’re old enough to really be scared of failing yourself–not your teachers.
I know from your words that you take yourself and your work seriously and I don’t think that you would turn in crap. I can’t wait to hear what you come up with, and hope that once you’ve got it where it’s going you’ll share some of it with us.
The big things are always the scariest, but I think that fear has a purpose–to inspire us to go beyond ourselves. You can’t be doubting you with so many of us behind you.
Now get to clicking and kick its ass!
Thank you for stopping by to read and for leaving such an encouraging message. It is amazing how supported I feel from my readers. You all are my constant cheering squad!
here’s to your miracle, dear!
That is a great quote. Doubt can be a real killer. My strategy is to just fake my confidence until I believe it for real :-).
I hope you had great success with the portfolio! I hate self-doubt myself, and I’m so glad you were able to overcome your’s with a little help from Audrey 🙂
Thank you for sharing that quote, and your own story of doubt. I’m fairly certain I will be using and sharing the quote…it’s very powerful.
I, too, have been struggling to overcome my own doubts as, at the age of 44, I’ve just completed a bachelor’s degree program in business administration. While relieved to be finished with the juggle of school and work, I’m now doubting what I am to do with said degree. And many other things.
Like your headline, I feel that I am rediscovering life. It’s sometimes overwhelming.
I hope your portfolio went well and you are enjoying photography again. I look forward to following the posts of your blog.