Change
It used to be a dirty word. No one would dare utter the “c word” around me for fear it would send me in a tailspin. There were reasons for my resistance to change though. I was faced with significant challenges in my marriage and the daily routine, keeping everything together that was within my control, was essential for my own well-being. I clung to routines and forced life to be predictable as a result. I know now that continuing in a broken marriage, struggling to manage the challenges that existed, was related to my fear of change too; anything was better than the unknown.
It has been over four years since my ex moved out. If I were to choose a theme, something to tie the last four years together, it would be this:
Change
Change was thrust upon me the day the moving truck drove away. It was something I fought as hard as the inevitable depression that followed. Both were out of my control and I was resisting, but I needed to accept and acknowledge both were part of this process. Accepting change came slowly at first, but what I found with the changes I began to embrace in my life, I became a little more brave. The fear started to subside.
Looking at my life at this moment in time, I would describe one of the things that excites me most about my journey as this:
Change
While I still slip into needing a routine and having a plan, I am much more loose about life. I will always have a plan, but it isn’t something I cling to daily. What I have found is that some of the greatest joy and opportunities for me in the last four years happened as a result of changes in my life. Allowing the universe to bring to me and being open and accepting has been more rewarding than I could imagine.
Change
It’s no longer a bad word.
It’s something to celebrate.
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This was inspired by this week’s writing prompt at Studio30 Plus. The prompt: changes.
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For Song of the Week, how could I go with anything other than David Bowie’s song “Changes?” Enjoy!
Nicely stated Kelly. And I say that as a man who has to keep everything neatly scripted, suffering no changes and when change is unavoidable then giving carefully thought out presentations to four special needs people who stare at me in shock because things have to well, change.
Change can be a scary thing. I find I feel more liberated not having to be chained to the fear anymore. I hope what you experience with fear of change in others can subside a bit with time.
Thanks my friend for the kind words. Hey, and until then I can always moderate that process with such delightful bourbon. 🙂
There you go!
I love posts like this … I just followed the trail all the way back and even ended up at Grace’s Looks Good Naked blog 🙂
Kelly it’s so refreshing and wonderful to have found your site and your positive message of change … I’m right in the middle of my own change after my 14 year marriage breakup, and I’m doing this as I enter my forties as well.
I love hearing about how people HAVE changed and successfully emerged from divorce which is inevitably one of the most stressful events in anyone’s life. I often suffer from “change impatience” if I can put it that way, I want to be CHANGED, NOW … so life is all better. But I’m learning – and my own blog is my testament – that we should enjoy the journey, not just see the destination as the reward.
You’re very right – change is not to be feared, but rather celebrated. Embracing change is how we grow – and after all, what is life but a journey of growth and adventure. Thanks for the reminder and inspiration to embrace the change!
Chris,
I am so happy you enjoyed this post and that it gave you a bit of inspiration as well. As someone a little further down the path, I can tell you that putting the necessary time into grieving will lead to a more joyful future. Wallowing is a necessary step. So wallow for a while. 🙂
I often resist and fear change. I’ve also come to realize that when things haven’t changed for a while I become restless. I want more. I’m always walking that fine line between worry and welcome, if that makes sense. I don’t want change, I do want change.
This is a lovely, thought-provoking post. I love that change has become something to celebrate for you.
Thank you for the kind words Heidi. I do actually know what you mean, being caught in the middle of embracing and resisting change.
My fear of change was what kept me at a job that was making me miserable for years.
As someone who likes having a clear objective and structure in my life, I’m realizing there are moments when I have to just embrace uncertainty and follow a whim or desire…
I am glad you are starting to embrace change too Ben!
I had to do it the hard way but the past three years have taught me a lot about accepting change. I’m not too scared by it anymore, but I still think a little stability every now & then would be nice.
There always has to be balance Vinny. I agree. Sometimes we can’t control and keep the balance, but focus on things settling down soon-to get that balance back.
Bob Dylan once said “if ya ain’t changing, you’re staying the same. And who wants that, man?”
From my favorite song, Lucky Man by The Verve: Happiness, more or less It’s just a change in me Something in my liberty
The reason why I read you and consider you a friend is you never stop changing.
You are so sweet Lance. You are a great writer and friend as well.
Ah yes, change. I’m going through a great deal of right now. Change is definitely a terrifying experience, but on the other hand, it’s a bit exciting. Kinda like being afraid of heights and going on a roller coaster. =)
It can be a thrilling experience Kat. I do agree.
Up until the past 2 years or so I was the worlds worst about being resistant to change, I partly blame it on being my mild, and yet to be officially diagnosed OCD. But then when I married my husband and moved to TN. where everything is more relaxed including making plans, doing housework, etc. I got immensely better at just letting things happen and now I realize that change can be a wonderful thing and we definetly cannot grow as a person without it :).
I am glad you have found peace in accepting change too. Happy to have met you at S30P too!
I’ve found that being afraid of change doesn’t stop it from happening, and that refusing to accept change after it’s already happened is futile. I still need to work on it though. I guess I’m kind of like you were except that I’m aware of it.
I was so unaware that I could not control life and avoid change. It is so much easier to live with the inevitable flow in life.