In the last four years of dating, two men have brought me flowers on the first date. Both turned out to have control issues and were, coincidentally, both complete narcissists. It would not be accurate to state I am now wary of men wielding bouquets, but I do believe there is a lesson to be learned from these two relationship experiences: remain guarded until the Disneyland experience is over.
Flowers, gifts, over-the-top planned dates, and flattering words provide little guidance in determining if a man is going to be a good match. It is more important to experience life with this man in less-than-perfect scenarios. Or, more common, the mundane life experiences.
Once in a committed relationship, many begin to ponder:
Is he the one?
For me, the answer to this question is uncovered by fixing a toilet together, painting a room, receiving bad news from a doctor’s appointment, working through a fight, having a parenting difficulty, or trying to recover from an illness.
Disney-like experiences eventually come to an end. Real life can be messy and is definitely not perfectly orchestrated. There is a greater chance for a guy to be “the one” who willingly rolls up his sleeves to join in whatever comes his way–with no hesitation and with all the love he has to give.
Flowers?
They are optional with this Naked Girl.
I used to tell my brothers that if women didn’t like them at McDonald’s, those women wouldn’t like them at Tavern on the Green either. While I love to be treated nicely, I’m very wary of men who go over the top with flowers, gifts, etc. when they haven’t yet taken the time to get to know me. I don’t impress easily (and, as a New Yorker, I’m probably a bit suspicious of being “bought off” anyway…). No guy will be “the one” if he has a tally of all he’s done for me and sees that I come with a price tag. 🙂
I would expect no less from you so this comment is not surprising to me. I think we are both probably tough for the average guy to date. I don’t mean average in a negative way, but in a more mainstream, traditional sense. We expect a lot and have a clear understanding of what we want.
I know…so telling, huh? 🙂
I love this post! Romance is nice but what really proves your love for each other is how you deal with the nitty gritty, hard times. Here is my list of Ten Nitty Gritty Signs You Love Him – http://www.theloveinhereyes.com/2012/04/02/ten-nitty-gritty-signs-that-you-love-someone/
Thanks for sharing your recent post. I am heading to your site to read it now.
Nice article, Lara. Thanks!
Nice. My first date with my eventual wife started out with errands (mine). to Trak Auto and Nordstom, followed by some afternoon drinkin,’ eventually concluded with waterside dinner at Cheesecake. 14 years later, she’s still up for whatever. I feel fortunate.
Thanks for visiting Chuck! I think I fell a little bit more in love with The Boyfriend after a day of errands and repairing a toilet together. It’s really about being together and seeing that you enjoy each other in real-life scenarios.
I am so happy it worked for you!
I agree with you 100%. My husband is the least romantic person I know and bought me flowers exactly 2 times in our 25 years of marriage- 1 for each time I gave birth. However, he’s my best friend, we laugh together frequently, he is the most amazing father, he’s handy as hell, the sex is damn good, and nobody can put the bad times in perspective like him. I wouldn’t trade a bouquet of flowers for all of those qualities for anything in the world.
Thanks for leaving this great comment. You hit on all the important aspects to making a relationship work long term (in my opinion).
You’re a smart woman, Ms. JustKeepinitrealfolks!
My husband brings me flowers usually sometime around my birthday and that’s about it. It’s never been about the cards are gifts. He’s not a real sentimental type. But, you know what? He is always there when it counts. The little upsets and the big ones. That’s what is most important and why we’ve been together for 20 years.
Those are the things that matter most to me as well. Who needs flowers?