revolving door

Arriving a few minutes early, I quickly scanned the men seated at the bar, trying to determine if one of them was waiting for me. Ah, that one looks a little like him, but no, he is wearing a wedding ring. Wait, maybe it is him and he forgot to slide his ring in his pants pocket before entering the bar. He looks up, makes eye contact with me, but there is not a hint of recognition on his face when our eyes lock.

Exhaling deeply and with a great sense of relief, I choose a seat. I ask for a glass of water, thankful for the talkative bartender. If I can keep him chatting until my date arrives, the time will pass without having to play the is-that-him game, where I watch the door trying to guess if the man entering is my date. Sadly, with online dating, it’s a game I have learned to play.

After pouring water, chatting, and handing me a menu, the bartender leaves to serve another customer. I am left with time to play the dreaded game. Watching five men in a row push their way through the revolving door, I find myself holding my breath and feeling my stomach lurching each time. Please don’t let that be him. This becomes my mantra as a parade of men, who look nothing like the images I have seen online, walk in.

Finally unable to play the game any longer, I turn to my phone for distraction. Relieved to find blog comments waiting for approval, I busy myself with another activity.

Feeling a presence next to me, I look up. There, standing before me, is the man I was waiting to enter the bar. He confidently leans in to kiss my cheek in greeting and sits next to me.

He is exactly who I was waiting for on this particular evening.

Tall. Dark. Handsome. Mischievous smile. Confident. Adventurous. Entrepreneur. Multilingual. Competitive athlete.

But I was expecting someone else in his place.

Shorter. Older. Negative. Boring. Out of shape. Ex-wife hater. Absentee dad. Profile liar.

That evening I discovered wonderful qualities about him.

Passionate. Intellectually curious. Funny. Engaging. Compassionate. Animated. Happy. Fun.

But there are many yet-to-be-discovered details.

Axe murderer? Pedophile? Anger issues? Poor parenting skills? Personality disorder? Controlling?

While I am happy to have met this man recently, a year ago I would have been ecstatic. Experiencing a first date with someone honest in his profile, represented better in person, with a mutual attraction existing is rare. Yet all it means now is there will be a second date to learn more about each other.

For the first time I understand it is best to take time to discover more about the man, not just what is on the surface or what he initially tells me about himself. Time and shared experiences is the only way to discover, slowly and carefully, if someone is worth investing my time and heart.

Today’s post was inspired by the Studio30 Plus writing prompt of the week: First Time.