Size matters.
That’s what a lot of people say.
I don’t think it matters as much as when a guy lies about size though. That’s why I pay attention to this important detail on the first date, figuring out if he was honest in his profile. If he lied, even by an inch, he’s done. No chance of a second date.
And by size, I am writing about height.
Standing 5’3 1/2″ tall, this isn’t for the I-need-a-guy-taller-than-me reason, but more because the lie says a lot about the man. After making a few attempts to date guys who lied in their profile about height, I learned there is a greater issue below the surface: the guy isn’t comfortable with himself, and lacks confidence; these are two very important qualities for me.
Each attempt to overlook a guy’s exaggerated description of his stature led to eventual signs of significant insecurities in conversations and social settings. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I decided to enforce a strict rule: no dating guys who lie about size, or anything else in their profile.
This rule worked well until I decided to go from the vague, “It was nice to meet you, but I don’t think this will work out between the two of us” to being candid on why I wouldn’t see a potential suitor again. Specifically, I confronted a guy about being roughly four inches shorter than he stated in his profile. Which led to another revelation: honesty and tact don’t always go together. Oh, and honesty can lead to psychotic stalking behavior.
Since my candor led to an argument over how tall the guy actually was instead of the bigger issue of accuracy in his profile, I wasn’t able to explain the merits of honesty to the one-date disaster last summer. Having this public forum, though, is the perfect place for a public service announcement to men:
Don’t lie.
Not about your height, hair, marital status, age, bank account, career, or anything else.
Now!
Women: you are welcome.
What’s your public service announcement to men?
Guys: what would you like to convey to women?
Between my divorce and remarriage, I tried onlone dating twice. The first time I met someone for lunch one of the first things they said to me was “wow, you really are what your profile said you were”. At first I had to think about whether I mentioned that time I was in Mexican prison or the other time I fight grizzly bears in the Yukon, but then I remembered I hadn’t lied.
I’m 5’8″ and full of issues. I should’ve lied but glad I didn’t.
good post…this goes for women too. One of those women I met had a profile picture that was ten years younger than what showed up at lunch.
Lance~ I have not recognized dates because of how inaccurate the photos were online. It’s silly to think once you meet the person that it will be okay that you misrepresented yourself! As for women lying, I do hear that from men, too. It goes for both genders.
Ha! Yes, lying about height is one of those things that cannot be denied once the facts are out there. This made me think of my date to Junior Prom or one of those high school dances. I was 5’4″ – He was 5’5″. He grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said, “Please, please don’t wear heels…” (no lying involved…lol)
That’s so funny! My friend and I tried to figure out a range where the guys were probably not lying about height. Anyone stating 5’11” was safe according to our best guess, but the guy last summer claimed to be that height and was maybe 5’7″.
I’ve had more than one female friend with experience in the online dating pool tell me that MANY guys lie about height, weight, age, etc. I just don’t get it. I am (try to be!) a pretty honest person in general, but when dating online, isn’t the ultimate goal to meet someone face to face? Why on EARTH would you tell someone you were 6’1″ when you were actually 5’9″?? THEY WILL SEE YOU!!
I only ever saw maybe 2 women face to face after “meeting” them online first, during my brief foray into the world of Match.com, and both of them represented themselves truthfully in their profiles. Doesn’t mean women don’t lie too, but still.
It became laughable for me, trying to figure out what the lie would be with this guy or that one. It was rare I met someone who didn’t lie about some detail. It was very frustrating. Sean was a set-up by a friend. One of the first things I thought when I agreed was at least I didn’t have to deal with dishonest profile crap on a blind date!
I spent a few months online dating. The worst was the guy who described himself as “average” build — he was 6’5″ and easily 300 lbs. Under smoking he wrote that he was “trying to quit” – he smoked regularly.
I’m with you. A person who lies on their profile simply isn’t comfortable with who they are, and that’s a HUGE turnoff.
The funniest picture I saw on an online dating site was a guy who listed himself a non-smoker, but his main profile image had a cigarette in his mouth! When I pointed it out to him when he contacted me, he called me a bitch.
I guess the online dating profile amplification temptation is far too heady for most people to withstand. It seems that lying about height is common for men, while lying about weight is preferred by women. The incredulous part of it is that people must live in some serious denial if they think that potential partners won’t notice the glaring lies they are trying to sell. Seriously? Maybe they are hoping that the other person will be so worn down from the fruitless searching and horsesh*t, that they’ll just throw in the towel with a sigh. Sort of like John Wayne to Katherine Hepburn; “You’ll do.”
So, I wonder what my “online profile” on a dating sight would look like? Since I’m already six feet tall, would I tack on an extra inch or two? Oh, and I’m sure that women would simply swoon over the fact that my writer’s alter-ego is a whiskey drinking mutant jack rabbit. Yeah, I’m sure that would really bring ’em running my way. 😉
That would be a fun writing exercise: write an online profile for yourself. Or, better yet, let Jack write it!
I did quite a bit of online dating when I was first divorced, and it was amazing how many guys would post pictures of themselves at about age 25-28 (which was my desired age range at the time) and then would show up for the date and be closer to 35, or 40… or one time, 55!
I would call them on it and the usual response would be, “well I didn’t lie, that IS me!” Um yeah, maybe, but that was you 10 or 15 or 30 years ago! I know I don’t look like I did when I was 20. Hell, I don’t look like I did 3 years ago!
Men, do yourselves a favor and follow Kelly’s advice. Be honest. Height is not something that you can keep fudging IN PERSON. Neither is a high school picture when you’ve got a grandchild or two!
If you don’t show who you are, then who cares how great the date goes, because it isn’t really YOU.
Great comment, Heather!
I accepted my “stature in life” a long time ago so I makes no sense to me to lie about being vertically challenged. If you ask me, there are way more dramatic things in life to be insecure about than height.
I know, right?!?
Well-done! I think my PSA to women would also be “Don’t Lie.” If you hate sports (or love them), hate smooth jazz ( or love it) — whatever — no good will come of pretending otherwise. It sounds so simple, but honesty really does prevent all kinds of problems down the road.
Other than the obvious, that the person feels comfortable lying, it really does affect the ability to find the right person for you. Pretending to be someone you are not will only last so long. It’s disappointing to both once the inconsistencies are discovered because it will likely lead to the end of the relationship. Great comment, Joe!
One would think this is a given but, sadly, it’s not. Don’t folks think that sooner or later the truth will come out whether it’s about height, appearance (really, dude, a 20 year-old picture?!?), marital status or whether or not he has children. Things need not be so incredibly difficult. Start with a clean, honest slate!
I would think it is obvious that the first time you meet someone, they will know you lied about height or some of the other areas of physical appearance that people seem to be dishonest about. I guess they think it won’t matter. It’s baffling to me, really.
This is the perfect lead in for the post I have going up on Lonesome Jackalope’s site on Thursday. I pretty much have the same advice. Don’t Lie! If you have true intentions about meeting someone, actually meeting them face to face will eventually happen and don’t think for one minute that you will have charmed them so much in your witty correspondence that they won’t blink when you walk in looking nothing like how you sold yourself on your profile. No one wins. All it does is serve to jade a hopeful dater a little bit more each time they are treated to a non-truth.
I read you were the guest at the Jackalope den this week. I can’t wait!
That’s another thing I don’t understand. It’s one thing to lie about your religion or where you went to school, but to lie about something that’s so easily verified on first glance? That’s not just dishonest, but kind of stupid.
I will never figure this one out. Do they think they will be so charming that we will forget they lied about height?