“You were way out of his league. You know that, don’t you?”
When a friend made this comment following a relationship breakup last fall, I didn’t know what to say. In many respects he was right. All of my friends were right actually; each person commenting expressed the sentiment differently, but there was a general consensus.
He was not worthy of my love.
While I let my heart heal, I spent time considering what I want in a relationship and what qualities I expect from a man. And I made a very important decision.
I will not compromise.
Looking back on this previous relationship, I can identify something valuable that I gained from the experience. I have been able to create a clearly-defined list of qualities I want in a partner as a result of my negative experiences. I gained such clarity. For that I will be forever grateful. This is what is most important to me right now:
- Happy and fulfilled in his own life
- Loyal & honest
- Enjoys life fully & laughs often
- Is kind, encouraging & thoughtful
- Communicates differences respectfully and openly
- Healthy/amicable relationship with ex wife
- Confident & secure with himself
- A great father
- Smart & successful (not in the monetary sense, but has a life purpose and enjoys his career)
- Has various interests
- Maintains good relationships with friends & family
In December I wrote a piece about unconditional love. A friend commented to me that I needed to lower my expectations, that it was, for the most part, a fairy tale. I choose to believe it is not. I will continue to look for a person with the right qualities and for love on that level. It might not happen and I am at peace with that.
It is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship.
I am happy and fulfilled in my life so I am comfortable waiting for the right person or just enjoying my life as it is right now. Actually, since the last relationship ended I feel more like a Naked Girl in a Dress. I am very comfortable with who I am, quirks and all, and won’t settle for someone who stifles my own happiness ever again.
There were three words I heard from friends and family for many months last year as I struggled in the relationship.
“You deserve better.”
Yes, I do.