I have been considering taking a big step: to marry again. I stand by all the reasons why I hesitate in remarrying, but there is an overriding need for a husband that I just can’t quiet within me any longer. This will come as a shock to many, including The Boyfriend, that I am even entertaining the thought.
I have shared my list of qualities I want in a man for dating, but thought writing about what qualities in a partner would compel me to marry again would also be helpful for those struggling with this same decision.
The Top 5 Reasons I Want a Husband
Chrismas Lights- The single most hideous experience each year is taking down Christmas lights. The ones on the dead Christmas tree means being poked by prickly needles while trying to remove the strands. Freezing in January as I stand on a ladder removing outdoor lights is the only thing worse than wrestling with a dead pine tree.
Car Maintenance- I dislike cars. They are over-priced, quickly-depreciating assets. I have to put gas into my car so it will run, but I avoid the maintenance as much as possible. Sometimes that means driving it with a rattling sound for a while. And to me, oil changes are optional.
Lawn Care- This is much more than cutting a lawn. This also means no weeds, proper fertilization, edging, spreading mulch, and removing really big plants I point to in the yard.
Home Repairs- This is not because I am incapable anymore, but rather because I found it is more fun with the right person in my life to share in the frustration joy. I would continue to take the lead on the projects because I have found a new sense of pride in home ownership as a result of my ever-growing skill set; I just want a trusty assistant to fetch me Diet Cokes, tools, explain the instructions to me, fix the mistakes I make, and then tell me I did a great job.
Medical Coordinator– There is only one thing I am worse at taking care of than a car: my body. I don’t like going to doctors or taking pills so I avoid both. I suffer through running injuries without proper treatment (while continuing to run of course), refuse medication, don’t make lab appointments, and ignore routine check up reminder postcards. There are a few doctors who scare me so those appointments require someone to walk me in and block the exit wait for me. This is probably the toughest job on the list.
To make this fair to my male readers, and to add a bit of interest to this topic, there will be a single male writer guest posting here soon with his list. In the meantime, tell me:
What do you want in a partner for him/her to be marriage material?
If you are already married, what would you look for the second (or third) time around?
Please only share heart-felt answers in the comment section. “Life partner who is present in the bad times” and “co-parents our blended family beautifully” isn’t what I want to know about. Tell me what you really want.
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For Song of the Week I have chosen Sara Bareilles. Enjoy “Love Song.”
Happy Friday!
Comments
43 responses to “5 Reasons to Get Married”
Wow. I could say so many horrible things right now …. ;-)
Awesome! It’s Friday night and I am still working. Just pile it on my friend. :)
Let’s see – you don’t want a man, you want a servant (or at the very least, a skilled laborer).
Funny thing is, I fill all those roles at home. I have even worked as a mechanic and for a landscaper.
Oh, I can also grill a mean steak – as long as beer is supplied for free, otherwise it’ll get overdone :-)
You crack me up!
I agree with Deb on the steak-grilling requirement. Awesome idea to add to the list.
And I will say, you are the perfect guy then, if you meet the requirements. You also put up with me “breaking” our site and telling you no and then agreeing with you a week or two later. That’s really awesome too!
And why can’t a servant also be a man, haha?
AMEN on the lawn care. I do most of the Christmas lights myself and have a trusty mechanic for our cars. But, if my hubby ever kicked me out and I was lookin’ for a replacement, I would need a dude who could fire up the grill and cook a damn good juicy steak. I never did learn the art of grilling.
Now this is the type of comment I was hoping for tonight to keep me amused. I just didn’t have a serious post in me and I wanted to have fun.
I have a significant other who knows nothing about cars or home maintenance. He’s great at grilling, but so am I. You know what he does have? It’s not what you think. He has employee covered health insurance. Now that’s a good reason to remarry. (It would be my 2nd time, too.) Mercenary, but practical, don’t you think? :)
Ohhh….I love this one Stephanie! It’s a great reason to remarry!
2 things that is severely lacking in Husband #1:
A) General maintenance skills and handy craft. It drives me insane, truly.
When we have to hire someone to come and do home improvements, I drool over them. Literally. I think I scare them, but I cannot help but be impressed.
B) More hands-on with kids. When I see men that are really involved, I get so green with envy I want to kick their wives in the tit. I definitely got the short end of that stick as well.
The first thing is really important because a handy guy means you save money too!
Well, maybe I should have been a lesbian because I take care of 90% of the things you’ve mentioned here. Hmph!
Sorry…..I’m spoken for. :)
Ok, I haven’t commented in a really long time, but excuses aside, I didn’t have much to say anyway. On this, however, I’ll throw in.
What I would want, should Lady Marshmallow depart me for some reason and I found myself in a search for another mate-mallow.
1. Brains. Not just saying I’d want a smart woman, because it sounds like such a thing that a guy thinks a woman wants to hear. I REALLY need a brilliant, intellectual person to share my life. Way brilliant. And yes, to me brilliant is sexy.
2. Not afraid to get her hands dirty and dig in with me on projects, but then turn around at night a hit the symphony looking stunning.
3. A sense of humor that ranges from The Three Stooges, through The Marx Brothers, to Woody Allen and Fry and Laurie.
5. Someone who admires me for who I am without the typical trappings of wealth and fame.
6. Someone who will trust me as I will trust them. I am an automatic truster. That’s my default setting. And what you see is what you get.
7. Cook.You cook, I cook, we cook, and then we don’t cook and go out to eat.
Be smart with money.
This is the quick list. Mostly I want mutual respect and a tender real, love.
Oh, I love your list. You took my humorous post and completely turned it around with this comment. This is such a great list: well thought out and honest. It moved me. Seriously.
Glad you are still visiting, but just lurking and not leaving comments. :)
Good sex.
You can legally pay for someone to do everything on your list!
I asked The Boyfriend what he thought would be on my list and sex was the first thing he offered up! I told him he was right, but I didn’t want it on my list. Great minds Honest Answer!
How about the legitimacy it provides insurance companies for life insurance? Not that I would evah consider harmin muh lovely spousal unit. “Honey, have you seen the view from over here? Careful muffin, just stand right here by the edge.”
I love this comment. You are always so funny!
I’m not much into cars & the Discovery Channel has to send a wildlife crew into my backyard before I deal with it, so the only reason I can think of for my wife to keep me around is the sex.
I’m okay with that.
Certainly a good reason for Mrs. C to stick around!!
I need a husband to kill spiders for me. He does other stuff too, but that’s one thing I really don’t want to handle myself.
Oh, spider killer is a great quality to want in a husband.
I got pretty adept at households chores, little girl raising, and most “female type” things when I was divorced and single. My top five, that of course I have now being remarried, would be:
1) one stop shop for the physical stuff – intimacy, sex, affection, hugs, kisses, etc. I was terrible at bing single and really like being with just one woman.
2) help with clothes, little’s girls’ hair, fashion, grooming. I have no fashion sense and was steering one of my daughters toward my sad state. It’s cool to have someone handle those things.
3) help with the natural female issues – body stuff, calls of nature, puberty. There are certain things that a woman can handle with daughters that a man can’t.
4) sharing the difficult task of kids shows, crappy music, and terrible entertainment that little kids put you through. No one should have to handle this alone.
5)GREAT COOKING. my wife is a trained chef. I know how to cook five or six things really well.
I love your list Lance! Thanks for sharing it.
I developed this criteria somewhere along the line and it has served me well.
I want a partner who will rub my feet after a bad day.
That’s a great requirement!
Garbage duty. I’ve been single and running a house on my own for almost 4 years now, and I still feel resentful every single time I have to take out the trash, dammit.
That’s a great addition.
I have everything I want! Oh, sure, he could do more around the house, like actually putting dishes IN the dishwasher instead of in the sink. But that’s little stuff –he’s really awesome when it comes to the big important stuff (like communication).
That’s great Claire! Thanks for visiting.
Oh, the idea of getting married again just scares the living bejeesus outta me. Wonder if I’ll ever get over that?
I think you will get over it if the right guy comes along. I think that is key to having faith in taking the plunge again.
I actually just love having my best friend around. All the time. And never having to wonder who could I go and try this new restaurant with? or who do I want to take my vacation with? But simply knowing he’s there and open to trying just about anything (like go clothes shopping and being my personal stylist).
What a great answer Nikki!
Hmmm… well, as someone else above pointed out, I grew accustomed to living alone in a cramped apartment over the years where maintenance is fairly minimal.
But what I look for in a mate:
~someone to help hang the shower curtain (removal of the old crusty liner always grosses me out)
~a partner who will help with the cooking/cleaning. I cook one evening; you clean (and vice versa)
~a man who likes to dance and isn’t afraid to take my hand in public
~someone who makes me laugh until I cry or until my sides hurt
~a spouse who experiences the same amount of wanderlust that i do.
I’m sure there are plenty others, but this will do for now :) Happy Easter!
I LOVE your list Charlotte! Someone who makes you laugh is such an important requirement and one I always thought, while in my marriage and unhappy, that if I ever got a do-over, I would want someone who makes me laugh.
Today as I was sitting in my office watching a wolf spider (that is code for tarantula to me, but the exterminator continues to disagree with me that I have tarantulas) climb the wall that I should add that to the list. Not all creepy creatures, just wolf spiders as they terrify me.
I totally agree with the lawn care – I have never mowed a lawn in my life (I am also on husband #3, but I did not divorce the first two because they didn’t mow the lawn, there were other reasons, even thought that could have been a reason).
I enjoyed your post very much – but I have to agree with Dad of the Decade’s reasons for not getting married more – even though I am happily married. I just don’t know if I would do it again ;)
Great list, Kelly! I’m nodding along right there with you. Especially to the car maintenance part. I don’t have one presently, but it makes me shudder to think how many times I got ripped off bringing my jalopy into the shop and the noises I would mimic to describe what was wrong with him. It would have been nice to have a male present during those times :)
I’d love a husband who can remind me to stay on top of my bills. I pay everything off on time, but I’m not the best when it comes to my finances. Never have been. Having someone to keep me in check would be pretty awesome.
It sounds like you need to make a marriage list too!
Funny. All the reasons *I* wanted to remarry! I got none of them – as did my Beloved [Maris]. But that’s cool. I had most elements of her list, and she of mine. Oh, and you know what – go to the doctor! :)
Joe, I was so pleased with myself when I scheduled and eye exam this week! Baby steps on my medical appointment challenges.
Let me tell you how it happened for me.
I fell in love with thought I found my prince charming, he was all what a girl wants: educated, passionate and hero (army). Until we got married and started living side by side, it turned he was a frog. Day to day my illusions and pink glasses where cracking until the exploded in my heart leaving it bleeding until I maned up and stopped trying to fix what was broken since day one. During my hardships I realized what I thought at first was manly and important from a man, was not all that in reality. Crappy times crystallized who I needed next to me and that was not found in my husband.
From the list above: I did all of that, except car stuff as I did not have one. I was wife and husband in one person, from parenting,house maintenance to hosting parties.
I know for sure now that EVEN THO I can do it all by myself,I better be alone then in a relationship doing it all. Marriage should be a partnership of equal work to achieve balance in everything. Teamwork! I was lacking a good partner and I got tired to fulfill all roles. Now I am NOT getting in same trap again!
If I find a person I am interested in, he first of all has to let me be a woman!
Respect what and how I do. Our personalities have to compliment each other, as to create harmony. And probably the biggest one would be: Determined to be more with everyday, Positive outlook on life and never stop growing! In a way reflection of my higher values and strenght just in another body.