Just the Way I Am

May 27, 2011

in Relationships

When I reentered the dating scene last fall I started by creating a list of qualities I was looking for in a man. I also decided I would present my authentic self and be unapologetic for who I am.

While I don’t know if I will ever remarry, I do know I would like to be in a good relationship in which I am unconditionally loved. That’s my only goal relationship-wise; I simply want to be myself and be loved just the way I am. And in the early stage of a relationship I am looking for what I call “unconditional like”. If I don’t feel it is there, I move on quickly.

But I am not perfect. Last night is a great example too.

The boyfriend called to talk. Before he called, I almost texted him that I wasn’t in the mood to speak last night. When he called, I could tell he heard hesitation in my voice too, knowing I didn’t want to talk.

And the reason is pathetic.

I didn’t want him to know I was feeling down about my divorce. I wanted to hide it from him and reconnect today when I would most likely be in a better place.

The two of us laugh often, have fun doing a variety of activities together, and he calls me Sunshine. There’s this built-in fun factor when the two of us come together. Why would I dampen his mood with my funk?

To answer my own question, probably because he likes all of me, not just the Sunshine me.

Guess what happened last night? He listened, asked thought-provoking questions, had good insight, and comforted me. It was what I needed and I felt better as a result. And of course he was a step ahead; he had been waiting for me to bring up the subject. He knew I couldn’t be all Sunshine the days leading up to my court date.

I refuse to beat myself up for sliding into perfection mode, thinking he couldn’t experience anything other than a positive me.

Today I am happily imperfect.

And it feels great being me, just the way I am.

For Song of the Week I am sharing Bruno Mars’ song “Just the Way You Are.” It’s a great song and a creative video.

Have a great holiday weekend.

Happy Friday!

Photo Credit

{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

Brandon May 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm

When you can find someone who likes everything about you, flaws and all, it’s a great feeling.

I was married for over 7 years. During the entire relationship, there were still walls and barriers. We both, at times, put up a front to each other. Why? I can’t answer that.

My current relationship is different. We have been together for 2 1/2 years. No walls, no barriers. Up-front, raw, honest. We are fully open with each other. Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes it hurts, but overall it’s amazing.

Congratulations. This was a monumental step. You wanted to put up a wall, but he helped you knock it down. Once the dust settles, you’ll be glad it’s gone. :)

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Lance May 27, 2011 at 4:55 pm

When I met my current wife I had similar habits as yours. I made my list. I decided whoever came along would take me as I am or not at all. Then when I met Bobina she would call or text or come over and I wasnt in the mood for her to do any of those things. Hours later we’d still be talking, laughing or whatever. I knew I had found the right person.

She didn’t flinch at my complicated nature, crazy history, or peculiar habits. She loved me anyway and I reciprocated.

Good for you …. and him
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Heather O. May 27, 2011 at 4:57 pm

I’m happy for you! I thought I would never find a man who would appreciate me for my Sunshine Self AND my Not-Sunshine-At-All Self. I was pleasantly surprised and I’m glad that you were too. It’s so nice to be loved just for being yourself.
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Maasiyat May 27, 2011 at 5:23 pm

It’s good that you have someone that lets you not only be happy but pissed as well. I think the message you’re sharing about wanting to be loved unconditionally and setting goals and not settling is amazing. If a woman demands to be treated well, then she is labeled bitch or high maintenance and that is so not true. There is a difference between bitchy and just wanting to be treated like a human. Kudos to you!!
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.endtransmission. May 27, 2011 at 7:39 pm

If you didn’t notice, this is a comment about YOU, and much less a comment about HIM. This is you recognizing how and who you are, and presenting that whole self to someone you care about. Keep up the good work. Being an open book is much better than being a closed one. Hopefully your next chapters have happy plot lines. :-)

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Kimberly May 27, 2011 at 7:48 pm

Just so you know…you just dropped a package of HOPE at my door. Bless you for that.
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Libby May 29, 2011 at 9:30 pm

That’s the best things about good guys… They love you no matter what.

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Frelle October 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm

This resonated with me very much. I had a court date last week regarding custody. Thanks for writing this out and sharing your realization that you should not hide your down-ness from your boyfriend because he loves all of you not just the fun you. So glad you have him :)
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Naked Girl in a Dress October 4, 2011 at 9:37 am

Frelle, I am sorry to read you are going through a divorce. I hope the court date went well and you are doing okay. Hang in there.

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