Note: This is not an image of me. I would be wearing much cuter shoes if I posed on a soap box.

In the year and a half I have written on this blog I have only written three posts in the category While Perched Upon My Soapbox. It is the one area of writing that is still hard for me to just let the words fly and hit publish.

Today I have to add the fourth rant to this category because something is bothering me. It has been building for days and today the frustration has reached a crescendo.

So here you go; me naked letting my fingers fly (no sexual pun intended):

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1) Naked Chest Shot

The biggest cliche in online dating sites is the bare-chest-in-bathroom-mirror-taken-with-phone shot. Do you think this is unique? That we haven’t seen this shot before? I promise you: it is not creative photography on your part. It won’t help you get dates. We typically laugh and move on. Seriously.

Oh, and even if you take the shot with your shirt on while flexing your bicep, we laugh. Just so you know.

2) Motorcycles

The vast majority of women don’t like motorcycles as much as you do. So showing us your motorcycles isn’t going to do it for us. The same is true of antique cars and the Mercedes you posed in front of in a parking lot, hoping we think it is your car.

3) Cougar Hook-Up

This 42 year old is flattered that so many 20-somethings are interested, but it ends there. You 20-somethings don’t have life experiences at our level yet. Most women in their 40’s want to date men around our age. There is a site specifically for cougar connections. You should be there.

And thank you for letting me know how great you are in bed and what you can do for me, but men my age are also quite successful, sexually-speaking, and we actually have things to talk about when we aren’t having sex.

4) Old Men

Most women in their early 40’s also don’t want to date guys in their 60’s. Go away please. Especially if I have told you more than once that I am not interested. Flaunting wealth doesn’t change my mind.

Well, this is true for most women at least.

5) Writing Ability

If you don’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re, please ask a friend to proofread your profile before you publish it. I make mistakes writing here and elsewhere, but I never publish something without proofreading. I am picky on this topic, but I don’t have lofty goals with this one; I am not looking for men who use a semicolon correctly.  I am, however, looking for a man who takes pride in what he has written and has a basic grasp of spelling and punctuation.

6) Fetishes/Odd Sexual Needs

I am confident there are specialty dating sites for you. You would have much more success there than on mainstream dating sites. I don’t really want to read you want me to dominate you while you clean my house or that you get turned on sexually taking me shoe shopping.

If my sister wasn't married, she would totally be into the shoe fetish guy.

Oh, and the domestic slave wannabe: I wanted to scratch my eyes out after seeing the image of you, horribly out of shape, posing in a tiny thong with a vacuum. I lost sleep over that one.

7) Breast Size

Quid pro quo is only fair, right? If you want to know the size of the bra I wear then I would like to know your size. And since my bra size is easier to determine initially, I require notarized affidavits from at least three women. Bonus if you can also offer up performance references from former lovers too. Bottom line: don’t ask. {I can’t believe grown men have to be told this}

8) No Image

Are you wondering why you aren’t having much success on the site? The easiest way to fix your problem is to add your image. It isn’t that women are only wrapped up in looks. My first thought is to wonder what you have to hide if you can’t add an image. Married is what I think of when I see someone is unwilling to share an image.

9) Money

If you go on ad nauseam about your wealth you are really saying you are not someone of substance–that there is nothing beyond the superficial. Sadly, I do know some women will be impressed and want to date you, but figure out which ones before you start bragging; it is a total turn-off for many of us.

10) Compliments

Thank you for telling me I have pretty eyes. Is that all you have? I wrote a long profile telling you a lot about me and what I am striving for in life. Was there nothing, other than the color of my eyes, that you could comment on? Something as simple as, “Hey, I like golf too!” is a great thing to write. It tells me you read what I wrote and you are thinking of compatibility. This might sound rude and ungrateful for the compliment, but add something to the “nice eyes” email because then you will stand out from the rest.

….stepping away from the soapbox now.

Breathing deeper.

Feeling better.

Thanks for reading my rant.

Happiness and sunshine is guaranteed on Monday.

Me+Pandora=Happy It's Friday people. Time for Song of the Week!

Now that my blood pressure has dropped dramatically from writing my rant, I can share Song of the Week. I have shared with readers I am addicted to enjoy listening to Pandora. The newest station added to my list is Modern English, which plays lots of great songs from the 80’s. I have been listening to The Cure, Depeche Mode, INXS, New Order, The Smiths and more.

Here’s Depeche Mode’s song “Strangelove.” It seemed fitting. It ties in with the topic today.

Happy Friday!