“What are your qualifications to be writing about relationships?”
This question was posed to me recently, which made me laugh. He was being serious and clearly critical of me with his intonation. He was even more displeased when I started laughing. With an undergraduate and masters in Psychology and a former university psychology professor, he wasn’t amused. Without hesitating I responded to his accusatory question with the following answer:
“I don’t have any. In fact, my success seems to stem from my own relationship failures.”
After having this discussion last week, I continued to ponder the question. Why am I resonating for people when I write about relationships? I write funny, self-deprecating pieces as well as parenting observations, but what is most popular are my thoughts and opinions on relationships. Even with only a body of work on the topic here, I was asked to be a monthly relationship writer for a site because he connected with my thoughts on the topic. I seem to be resonating for readers on that site as well.
As someone who is a keen observer of my surroundings, analytical, and introspective, I find myself processing and evaluating my experiences and those of others. Without any pretension, I humbly submit my thoughts on good and bad experiences as well as successes and failures in relationships. Everything I encounter and observe serves as a lesson to become a better person, more self-aware, and closer to being that naked girl in a dress.
There are times I pose a question without knowing the answer and other days I share solid advice from my own experiences. My life experiences guide my writing and for my ever-growing audience, it touches something in them to comment and visit again.
Just this week when promoting a post I wrote, I stated on social media sites I have resorted to taking relationship advice from a picture book written for 5-year-olds. As usual, the post did exceedingly well. It seems the more I admit I don’t know what I am doing, but share my musings on various relationship topics, the more you all love to read my blog.
As proof readers like when I share relationship musings and advice, here’s the list of top five most popular posts written the first half of the year; all are about relationships.
5 Most Popular Posts Written January to June 2012
Two Weeks on Love Relationships
How Do You Know if Someone is Really in Love with You
Opposites Initially Attract But Compatibility Lasts
On Battling a Scary Monster. And Winning.
How to Improve Your Relationship with Your Ex
These five posts received such a significant number of page views, each is also on the list of 10 most popular posts I have written since starting this blog over two years ago. Sans psychology degree, something I have to say on the topic of relationships is connecting with my readers. I am glad my experiences and observations are serving many people as well.
Thank you for reading, commenting, and contributing to the dialog so far this year. I always believe the posts are improved with the comments and life experiences shared by readers.
So please keep reading, sharing, and commenting.
As always, I appreciate you all greatly.
Happy Reading!
Comments
22 responses to “Solid Relationship Advice: One Failure at a Time”
What a silly question. That’s like asking, “What are your qualifications to being human?”
There are always going to be skeptics and naysayers. What’s great about them is that they give us something to write about. And I love the way you’ve turned that conversation into an opportunity to celebrate your work and your talent! Makes me think, “Take THAT, Mr. Psychology!” :-)
Oh, he gave me even more to write about. There’s a second blog post in the making. He’s a wealth of writing topic ideas actually. I will let you know when I post another about him.
You & I are alike in that department. I observe, analyze and…um… introspect(?) my experiences the same way. While I believe degrees & certifications are important, I think people nowadays are way too caught up in their value. Sometimes experience is the best teacher.
I agree with you Vinny. I also don’t tend to take an authoritative approach to my advice-giving, but rather typically share through my own dating experiences and breakups what I have learned. He didn’t bristle me with the comment; it just made me pause and think about his question for a bit. I found it amusing more than anything.
Thank you for your post. Sometimes I doubt myself because my degrees are not in the field (although my mom is a marriage and family therapist, which I think at least gives me an associate’s in counseling by default:) ). Those of us who have been there, really opened our eyes to see it, and have the ability to articulate it can help others, regardless of the letters after our names.
Thank you for visiting and leaving this comment! If someone feels better or has an “ah-ha” moment from something we write, that’s great. I have always be authentic about who I am and what little I know. I have never had an experience like last week, but I don’t usually run into snooty academics who take issue with my blog.
I have degrees. I know their value. Or lack there of. Without ever seeing a race car, without knowing the difference between an impact wrench and a drill, I quickly became one of the best reputed mechanic among hundreds of others working at my level. Why? Because I worked with an overwhelming amount of care, I observed, I paid attention. Obviously you are doing the same here. Kudos to you on earning your merit. And remember, Dr Phil is who most view as THE opinion in terms of relationships and parenting. Ha. See what I’m talking about?
You are funny. Thanks! I found the guy amusing more than offensive and have been feeling great about my advice based upon my own failures.
By the way, I loved reading this comment with information about your mechanic history. It’s such a fascinating part of your past.
Oddly enough, when I first started blogging it was something I was almost ashamed of. Isn’t that weird?
No, I understand. You become more comfortable with the idea, just as you do with your voice, as you go along. Time helps with that.
Based on that post, I realized I need to be more updated when it comes to reading your blog. I need to know more and learn so much more.. and so far, I’m getting it all thru your blog. I have always admired your wittiness when it comes to writing about relationship. Keep it up :).
Thank you so much for this lovely comment. I hope what I write resonates and helps you. Thinking through and writing down my experiences is an invaluable lesson for me so it makes me happy when I know it helps others too.
The first time I read your blog I came away feeling this:
“She’s one step ahead of me in wisdom about love. It’s like she’s just minutes ago worked through what I’m trying to work through. And she’s genuine.”
Your wisdom guides me through the thinking and feeling of my own. It’s not a superficial to do list of “how to get a guy in 10 days” or “how to heal from a broken heart” — although you could probably write those too…it’s deeper, it’s thoughtful, it’s real.
And that’s why we (I) connect with you. You’re still immersed in it. You’re still a part of it. You’re not towering above with your alleged success touting it to the masses. You’re real.
xoxo
Thank you for this wonderful comment Kimberly. What a boost to my day. Seriously.
The good news is I will never tower above anyone talking down to the masses as an expert. That would require me to figure all of this out, which will never happen.
You never know why it is you may resonate for someone; that they get something from what you’ve written. It just happens. We do see ourselves in the triumphs and failures of others. It’s a natural thing. That you have a well-respected voice gives you a certain ‘authority,’ even if you aren’t really trying.
Just keep it going. -)
Thanks Alex! I enjoy sharing even the heartbreaks and screw-ups, hoping to help others along the way. Well, and make them laugh. Laughter is important.
i love nicole’s comment, because she is spot on right (plus it made me laugh). i’m in a committed and happy relationship with ‘the one’, and i still appreciate the insights and honesty that you bring to your posts because within a relationship you still need to keep asking yourself and himself the same questions to keep yourself moving forward as a human being. um, and i love the fact that you laughed at the question…
Thanks Shannon! I could say I am taking one for the team by having each fail. How else can I make you all feel better in your committed relationships while also give great advice after each experience of my own?
Thanks for reading!
You’ve never learned the fine art of distraction vis a vis a knee to the groin?
It goes like this:
RUDE DUDE: “What are your qualifications to be writing about relationships?”
NGIAD: “What are you qualifications for asking that question?”
RUDE DUDE: “It’s my right to ask anything I want.”
NGIAD: “Look there! A platypus is stealing your bicycle!”
(thrust knee to Rude Dude’s groin while he looks)
(run away)
See? Easy.
Oh, I think you need to be first date chaperone for me. It will be highly entertaining for you and you will also serve an important purpose (groin attacker). It’s a win-win!
The good news is that you don’t need to be completely “crap-free” to attract your life partner and experience complete happiness and satisfaction in your relationships. It’s likely your True Love will not have cleared all of his crap out either. I think what many people don’t realize is that it is our character flaws and quirks that make us real – more human. It is our triumphs over our struggles that make us more loveable.
[…] are months I squirm being the relationship writer when I don’t feel I have it all figured out, but I realize through the comments left I am resonating for many who read Jungle of Life. […]