What is Love, Revisited

June 24, 2013

in Relationships

what is love

What is love?

It seems like an easy question to be asked, and one that anyone could answer. And yet, so many people are searching for the answer to the question, “what is love.”

Last October I wrote a post about love, giving a child’s excellent explanation to the question. Now, almost nine months later, I am amazed by the volume of search engine traffic sent here for people with the search parameter “what is love.”

While others are being sent here in search of what love is, I have been contemplating the question and my own answer a lot lately. Specifically, what love is for me this time that is different.

Looking back to the year before my ex and I separated, we had a series of serious conversations about possibly moving to California. We would talk, and then I would feel tremendous stress. The thought of moving from my community and the area was beyond my comfort level. Finally I told him I would not move if he found a West Coast job, that our relationship was not healthy enough for me to feel comfortable relocating with the kids; I would stay behind.

The first serious relationship I was in after we split eventually led to discussions of moving. One location was an hour away and the other was only a few towns from where I currently live. I would engage in the discussions about the possibilities, but quietly felt great stress again with the idea of moving. This time, I blamed it on my struggle with change.

A very wise friend counseled me, telling me that instead of worrying about why I feel so much stress about moving, I should focus that mental energy on what specifically in the relationship is causing me to hesitate. “There,” she told me, “lies the answer to your  internal struggle.”

Now with Sean, I truly understand the advice my friend gave me many years ago; in the right relationship, changing a mailing address is of little consequence. Having the strong desire to share a life together is what matters. And while we temporarily have a non-traditional living arrangement for the kids, I know when it is time to have one home instead of two, it won’t be the same deliberation and stress as I have experienced in the past.

I continue to learn more about love as I get older. I add to the list, and take away things I once thought mattered. Here’s the newest addition to my what-is-love list:

Love is letting go of fears, and trusting another completely.

And, from this latest lesson, I have also honed my definition of “home:”

Home is not based on a particular zip code, but rather defined by where the person you love is located.

What does love mean to you?

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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

MILF Runner June 24, 2013 at 3:03 pm

Your “definition” of love is certainly a part of mine.
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lisa thomson June 24, 2013 at 5:06 pm

The ever elusive answer to the all consuming question… what is love? Hmmm, I know one thing for sure and it is the opposite of fear. As you say, ‘trust’ is a huge ingredient. They say unconditional love is the highest form of love and I believe it’s true I’m just still trying to get there :) I like your new additions to your list, Kelly.
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 25, 2013 at 12:08 pm

It is such a conundrum: an emotion we have all felt, yet find so hard to define.

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Elena Justice June 24, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Love is mutual respect.
Love is encouraging and enhancing your partner in life decisions, changes, transitions…all things.
Love is compromise without resentment.
Love is the release of fear and feeling secure with your partner.
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 25, 2013 at 11:54 am

What a wonderful list, Elena! Thank you for visiting and sharing.

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Lonesome Jackalope June 24, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Where Saucy the Jackalope goes, I go!
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Naked Girl in a Dress June 25, 2013 at 11:51 am

I could never see the two of you separated, Jack.

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Megly Mc June 26, 2013 at 4:02 pm

Love is love. :) A force like no other, stronger than anything. Today, I was reminded, again, that love wins.
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 16, 2013 at 12:16 pm

True love does win Megly Mc. We just have to be patient and wait for it.

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Joe June 30, 2013 at 1:47 am

Love is feeling at home with someONE, no matter where you are.

You rock, and I am happy for where you are (wherever that is)!
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Naked Girl in a Dress July 16, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Thank you Joe!

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