What is love?
It seems like an easy question to be asked, and one that anyone could answer. And yet, so many people are searching for the answer to the question, “what is love.”
Last October I wrote a post about love, giving a child’s excellent explanation to the question. Now, almost nine months later, I am amazed by the volume of search engine traffic sent here for people with the search parameter “what is love.”
While others are being sent here in search of what love is, I have been contemplating the question and my own answer a lot lately. Specifically, what love is for me this time that is different.
Looking back to the year before my ex and I separated, we had a series of serious conversations about possibly moving to California. We would talk, and then I would feel tremendous stress. The thought of moving from my community and the area was beyond my comfort level. Finally I told him I would not move if he found a West Coast job, that our relationship was not healthy enough for me to feel comfortable relocating with the kids; I would stay behind.
The first serious relationship I was in after we split eventually led to discussions of moving. One location was an hour away and the other was only a few towns from where I currently live. I would engage in the discussions about the possibilities, but quietly felt great stress again with the idea of moving. This time, I blamed it on my struggle with change.
A very wise friend counseled me, telling me that instead of worrying about why I feel so much stress about moving, I should focus that mental energy on what specifically in the relationship is causing me to hesitate. “There,” she told me, “lies the answer to your internal struggle.”
Now with Sean, I truly understand the advice my friend gave me many years ago; in the right relationship, changing a mailing address is of little consequence. Having the strong desire to share a life together is what matters. And while we temporarily have a non-traditional living arrangement for the kids, I know when it is time to have one home instead of two, it won’t be the same deliberation and stress as I have experienced in the past.
I continue to learn more about love as I get older. I add to the list, and take away things I once thought mattered. Here’s the newest addition to my what-is-love list:
Love is letting go of fears, and trusting another completely.
And, from this latest lesson, I have also honed my definition of “home:”
Home is not based on a particular zip code, but rather defined by where the person you love is located.
What does love mean to you?