Love and Money

September 30, 2013

in Relationships

love moneyEarly in dating, I told Sean a lot of things that would never happen in our relationship. We wouldn’t date seriously, exclusively, or marry. Ever, on the last one. He took it all in stride, never wavering in his confidence in himself or the possibility of something really great developing between us.

So when I told Sean after we were engaged we would never, ever put our money together, I think he took that in stride as well. Sean is professionally and financially successful so who had more money wasn’t the issue, but rather what I entered into the relationship with, would be mine on the way out; I didn’t want to live through financial uncertainty that comes with divorce again.

It was such a concern of mine that Sean received a long lecture on how I went from charging groceries, mounting debt, and tremendous financial worries post-separation to now being in a place where I had a savings balance I was happy with, my only debt was my mortgage, and financially I was worry-free. If we were putting ourselves in a situation where we would have to pay someone to break up (divorce attorneys), at least we would not have complications with division of assets and material possessions.

{Writing this, I feel I need to pause to mention Sean is a very patient man. You already knew that, didn’t you?}

Sean was shocked when one morning I woke up and informed him if he was interested, I wanted to merge our money. I was surprised I had come to this realization as well. I never wanted this level of financial complication with another again, but I also saw keeping our money separate more of a hinderance–who bought groceries last, how will we split vacation expenses, how to pay for the wedding, and how to pay joint housing bills–became more frequent discussions between us. It became obvious to me that merging our money was a way to simplify our life together.

While it may seem naive, I really can’t imagine a life without Sean so divorce is not something I believe will ever happen to us. And, if something unforeseen were to happen, I know us both well enough to know we won’t be one of those couples spending thousands of dollars to fight over the autographed Kat Edmondson CD we bought together at her Philly concert (it’s mine, Sean) or anything else we purchased together. Additionally, walking around our homes, mentally tagging items with an “S” or “K” just seems wrong. We have a life we are building together, and it should be from our money–not his or mine.

It has been a few months, and I continue to tell him what a great idea this was for us. Life seems so much simpler for us both.

Tell me:

How have you handled your own union–money and love joined together or just love?

How is it working for you?


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single parent match.comOnline dating sites were helpful for me as a single mom; I was able to screen significantly before committing to meet someone (time saver!) and, as unromantic as it sounds, it was efficient. As a busy, single mom, these were important factors for me.

I always believed there were special challenges I faced as a single mom as well. One of the most significant was that I was determined to find a single dad to date, thinking there wouldn’t be much of a connection or long term potential with a man who had no children. I remember getting excited reading all I had in common with someone and then realize he had no kids–which probably meant he wouldn’t understand I didn’t have an easy schedule or wouldn’t bond with my kids if we got to that point in a relationship.

After interviewing Whitney Casey, dating expert for Match.com, I was pleasantly surprised to learn 67% of men surveyed found dating a single mom attractive. Whitney also shared her thoughts on how to improve your chances on their site, the biggest obstacle single parents face, and more. Watch the video of our interview to learn more:

 

These statistics aren’t included in the video, but I thought would be helpful and encouraging:

  • Saturday mornings are the busiest time on Match’s website for single parent activity.
  • Single parents have twice the chance for success in finding a partner online than other ways of meeting their match.
  • Over a third of Match members are single parents.

To learn more about Match.com or set up your own profile today, visit their site today.

Note: While this is a sponsored post, the opinions about Match are my own.

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Guitar lessons as adultFully embracing life and being happy has been a goal that has remained a constant in my life since the split from my ex. In fact, shortly after our separation, I made a bucket list. Not things I wanted to do at an advanced age, but rather experiences I wanted to have in my life now. That list was my go-to happy place when there were difficulties during the separation and divorce. I may not have had the time or money to accomplish some of my bucket-list items, but it was great to take a break from reality to read through what I wanted in my near future. Some have been accomplished, others lessened in importance, and a few new items were added to the list.

This week something was checked off; I am starting guitar lessons. I have a guitar, beginning lesson book, a great instructor, and a song book for The Lumineers. What I never imagined when I added music lessons to my list years ago, was that  a (step)son would be my teacher. He is also the main reason I finally bought the guitar.

Not having time to learn an instrument has been holding me back for several years, but an opportunity to work one-on-one with my son has me really excited for this adventure. We have a great relationship that I know will simply improve with our new activity. Best of all, I think it will increase my son’s confidence in his playing ability, and, through teaching,  he will likely improve as a guitarist.

At 44, I am looking forward to learning something new, and equally excited about the opportunity to learn from my son.

What are you putting off starting?

What will it take for you to begin?

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For Song of the Week, it has to be The Lumineers since I have their song book for my guitar lessons. Here’s the song I most want to learn, “Ho, Hey:”

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Holiday Shopping Goal: Find & Save

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Sean and I have a busy life with work, five kids between us, a new home to decorate, and a wedding to plan. So last weekend when Sean brought up we should be Christmas shopping now to keep holiday craziness to a minimum, I immediately wondered how we would find the time. I have never [...]
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All of us have something under our rug. It might be as small as a corn kernel or as big as a corpse, but I am confident we each have something we have happily swept under the rug, thinking it’s easier to place it there than deal with it. Thankfully we all come equipped with [...]
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A Special Seat in Hell

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“Your dad is a good person, but we aren’t good together.” This is the greatest level of detail my children received from me regarding their dad, our problems, and the resulting divorce. There was more to the ongoing discussion about our change in family structure, but that was the standard line given to answer the [...]
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